Satirical News: The Pinoy Pride Bill Passed by Tongress, Critics Attack President Nobita's Irresponsibility As Well!
Well here's proof of how irresponsible Pinoy pridists are. After some dispute on President Nobita, on Tito Stupid's libel clause in the cybercrime law and making whatever, or even Loko Atienza's proposal to ban foreign telenovelas RATHER than regulate it- the Philippines will have a lot of weird laws unless this is even regulated. Really get real Pinoys! Take note that Bobo Muna Representative Toady Casino was also part of this whole nonsense bill!
So here's what's going on and probably proposals that the Tongress are arguing like toddlers over:
- New national hero- Will it be Plor Kontemplasyon, Rolando Murderza, Elizabeth Bitayin, Sally Ordinaro-Violationa, Ramon Non-Credo or any other "hero" of Pinoy pride? At this point, Migraine International even has a fight within itself to which guilty OFW should be the next national hero.
- New national beer- Will it be Red Horse, Beer na Beer or San Miguel Beer?
- New national food- Will it be adobo, lechon, kare-kare, crispy pata and the list goes on!
While these have been agreed upon:
- National scapegoat- Gloria Macacapal Abobo (until 2016)
- National getaway vehicle- The wheelchair. After all Napoles is going to ride one soon.
- National bread- Pan De Sal cooked in a primitive oven
- National mermaid- Dyesebel
- National heartthrob- Piolo Pascual
- National bookstore- National Bookstore
- National TV station- ABias-CBN
- National talkshow host- Krisis Aquino
What's worse is that the Pinoy pride bill has already declared the following provisions:
On entertainment, the following provisions were made:
- No Filipino will be allowed to bring copyrighted materials from abroad. However every foreigner must buy Filipino entertainment media or they cannot get out of the country.
- All foreign telenovelas will be banned. On the other hand Pinoy TV drama will be promoted abroad. The only foreign shows that will be accepted are those with a Pinoy in it.
- Nobody will be allowed to sing non-Filipino songs in the karaoke. Foreigners included.
On international businesses:
- It will be a 99% Filipino owned, 1% foreign owned policy and that the company must only hire Filipinos only.
- All foreign restaurants must agree to sell Filipino food as part of their menu or else they will be shut down.
On cybercrime these were added:
- Criticizing the performance of anybody in politics will be considered a cybercrime.
- To criticize any Filipino movie or TV series as OA and praning will also be considered a cybercrime.
- All i-Tunes stations and other legitimate downloads will require government restriction that means downloading a non-Filipino movie or any related media even with payment is as illegal as piracy.
On Filipinos who succeed abroad:
- Every Filipino who succeed abroad must make a hero's call or be deemed a traitor.
- All Filipinos are required to gloat to non-Filipino by blood citizens that Pinoys are the greatest in the world.
- OFWs must remit their money to feed their lazy relatives or be branded as traitors.
- It will be proposed that no Chinese will be welcomed. PNP officers will be trained to capture buses full of Chinese and blast them to oblivion. This is in revenge against the drug mules who were "unjustly" executed by them.
- For any country who wishes to execute our fellow Pinoys, if that happens we will wage war against them never mind how weak the Philippines is!
- All those of Chinese blood will be exiled back to China. Should China not accept them, we declare war!
- Schools will begin to teach the alibata system and books will be written on indigenous materials.
- English will be removed from the curriculum in favor of alibata.
- Chinese schools will be shut down and deported to China.
- Gate crashing is perfectly legal so don't complain.
- Celebrate even if you don't have money. If you don't have money then loan!
Well his excellency President Nobita's inability to control the Tongress has only resulted to more and more stupid bills that need to be burned. Really President Nobita how can you answer your critics now?! It will only be a matter of time before his younger sister Krisis will become President this 2016... and of course do expect more stupidity!