Satirical News: Harvard Graduate Marianne Chen Hessler Gets Awarded as "Most Outstanding Filipino Researcher" for Thesis on Nobitacracy in Singapore, Provokes Pinoy Pridists Everywhere!


Marianne Chen Hessler (my completely fictitious character who looks like Kimberly in MMPR) an outstanding Filipino who graduated in Harvard University and published her thesis on Nobitacracy was given an ASEAN Award at Singapore where she acknowledged herself as Filipino but not a Pinoy.  This talented young woman from the Philippines, currently 27 years old and yet to take her board exam in the Philippines to become a lawyer, however was awarded while she said she was studying her board exam, she decided to show up anyway after many toiling hours to finish her course.  She was an accounting graduate from the Ateneo de Manila University the same school that President Nobita came from.  She returned to her hometown of Cebu to where her family owns a quality native Filipino food business.

While in Singapore, other outstanding Filipinos were awarded and not just her but she stood out.  Filipino-Chinese anthropologist Sean Mercado got his award on his book called "The Downfall of Pinoytard Mentality" and another was Filipino Asian studies graduate Dhathor Cuyos who published a book called "The Yellowtard Nobitacracy".  Marianne Chen Hessler called the books of Sean Mercado and Dhathor Cuyos as the inspiration to her thesis in Harvard, which she said would have not been done here if it was not for those two books that made her do a comprehensive research on Nobitacracy from 2010 up to present though President Nobita's term is not yet over until 2016.  Her parents Richard and Eliza are both exporters.  Her father Richard is a lawyer who graduated from Harvard as well and her mother Eliza is a businesswoman who opened an exporting firm when both her children grew up.

However as the award was passed to her, angry members of Migraine International, Bobo Muna, Anak ng Bobo, Akbobo and League of Pinoy Students all protested that a non-Pinay should get the award of "Most Outstanding Filipino Researcher".  Members of Migraine International were angered to why the award ceremony was held in Singapore the country where their patron saint Plor Kontemplasyon was executed.  Toady Casino of Bobo Muna said, "I will make sure the anti-Chinese bill and the anti-American bill will be approved before any more abominations like this happen!"  President Nobita on the other hand was seen sucking his thumb over the nature of the thesis.

Marianne Chen Hessler only replied, "Well I am a Filipino even if my father is American and my mother is Chinese.  My mother is Chinese by blood but she is still Filipino born where I was born, the Philippines.  Filipinos think of the welfare of the country, not promote its bad values.  That's a real Filipino.  Pinoys are just Filipinos who refuse to improve the Filipino image and continue to degrade my beloved country!"  She also launched a campaign to support only good Filipino products where quality local Filipino foods from Jollibee and Chowking were served to guests to promote quality product.

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