Satirical News: Narco Alcos Arrested In Xiamen, China For Drug Related Offenses


Narco Alcos who supposedly escaped from imprisonment in Camarines Sur found himself in a new pickle. It was discovered that Alcos himself was teleported to China by Atty. Romulo Macalinlang's magic spells. He was last seen in China where he was actually involved with Chinese drug syndicates to whom he served as their agent to bring drugs to the Philippines.

In late afternoon of June 19, 2018 -- Alcos was arrested in Xiamen where he was last seen meeting with Chinese drug syndicate members. He was last seen eating in a Chinese restaurant where gangsters meet to have a good time. However, Xiamen Police arrested several Chinese drug dealers together with some Filipino henchmen. Alcos was among them and they were brought to the Xiamen Detention Center.

It was later discovered that Antonio "Sonny" Fuentes Trillanes IV had transactions with Chinese drug dealers. Investigations later discovered that the PHP 6.4 billion worth of shabu was brought in from Xiamen via Atty. Macalinlang's magic. More investigations discover that Atty. Macalinlang was using the Chinese name Qi Pian which means "to deceive" while working with them. New information reveal that Representative Gary Alejano of Magtalo, former DILG Secretary Stinky Soliman and former DILG Secretary Marbobo Roxas had connections with Xiamen's underground operation only known as "Yellow Opium". It is said that its gang leader Lin Ya Pian (whose name literally means Opium Forest) is a distant relative of Nobita Aquino (who was said to be also surnamed Lim prior to their ancestor's change of surname to Aquino). Said drug dealer is currently hiding and operating from Hacienda Luista while having underground drug facilities in Dasmarinas, Cavite and Paranaque. Lately, the Yellow Opium syndicate is said to have facilities in Davao.

Former detainee Jaycee Chan admitted that he actually got drugs from the Yellow Opium Syndicate. He also admitted he had once smoked marijuana with Atty. Macalinlang who advised him to go to the Philippines since it's "more fun to smoke weed" there. Chan may volunteer as a witness against the Yellow Opium's trail in Beijing. He has admitted that he had also bought drugs from Atty. Macalinlang and Senator Trillanes. Later videos reveal that Chan once smoked marijuana with Senator Trillanes and Atty. Macalinlang. Also, another video showed that he once invited Nobita Aquino into his home to smoke some weed.

Chinese minister of justice Fu Zheng Hua says that China and Philippines may come in talking terms to handing over Filipino politicians who were involved in business with the Yellow Opium gang. He also mentions that Alcos may get the death penalty since he has already been involved with more than 50 kilograms of shabu and has been paid by the Yellow Opium Drug Syndicate. Meanwhile, members of the Commission on Human Rights led by Chito Gascon along with activist groups such as Makabayad and Migraine International are demanding for China to release Alcos and to spare him from possible execution.

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