Satirical News: American Ex-Pat Moves to Tondo, Manila, Says He's Found the Best Place on Earth!


Blob Blabbersky an American guy who may have charges in the United States of America for all people know had just moved to Tondo, Manila.  After moving away from the United States of America, this guy known as the Blob had been happy-go-lucky went to Tondo and lived there in what he called was the "ideal paradise" where freedom for him is not repressed at all.

He had moved in last week where he hoped to find "paradise" in the Philippines.  He said, "The Filipino people are happy in their mediocre state, creativity is bad, standardization is good.  Boy I love the Philippines!"  He was taken from the airport to Tondo via a reckless taxi driver who drove him around in circles and charged him PHP 1,000.00 for the whole trip.  Despite that, he called it freedom at best and called the taxi driver a freedom lover.

Rather than purchase land legally or rent, he went to the squatter's area where he built his own house with the help of squatters.  He began to enjoy his new life stealing electricity from his neighbors so he doesn't have to pay for it, throwing his waste anywhere and doing the squatter lifestyle.  He was last seen having friends in the squatter's area and of course, he began to teach them English so he can learn to speak Filipino.  They also stole money from all people they thought would steal their freedom.

When asked why he left America, he said, "America is too rich.  Repressive.  Here in the Philippines you can throw garbage anywhere, do vandalism, pee and poo anywhere and you hardly get caught.  See the squatters here are happy and I hope to meet the love of my life in this area.  They are poor yet they know how to have fun like gambling even you do not have much money."

However the government authorities are pretty much eyeful on Blob's arrival as ever since he arrived, squatting activities had become even more rampant ever since he declared himself their champion.  They have had a hard time beating him considering his layers of fat in his body had made them have a hard time getting rid of the "immovable Blob".  As Blob says, "Nothing moves the Blob!".

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The Philippines is FULL of Yellow Journalism!