Satirical News: Toady Casino Reveals "Project Pinoypines"

Toady Casino after reading the articles from Get Real Philippines by Chino Fernandez had decided to finally reveal "Project Pinoypines" which according to him is the formation of the true "Pinoy nation".  Since the name Philippines is named after King Philip of Spain, he decided that the Philippines should be called the Pinoypines and has launched a campaign called "Project Pinoypines".  He has decided to go to the history museum to find how life before colonization began to create Project Pinoypines but being the hypocrite he is, has decided to keep some foreign influences for "convenience sake".

Here are the changes that will happen to the Philippines as planned by Project Pinoypines which is the revision of the Pinoy Pride Bill which has caused Toady Casino to become a laughing stock worldwide shortly after President Nobita's penitensya:

The Philippines shall hereby be renamed as the Pinoypines.  Philip is too foreign a name.  Pinoy is purely Pinoy.  And all citizens shall be called Pinoy.

On the national symbols:
  1. National hero will be Plor Kontemplasyon and the face of the one peso.  Her life will replace Jose Rizal's life as a course required in College.  March 17 will become a national holiday and December 30 will be repealed as a holiday.
  2. Sally Violationa, Ramon Non-Credo and Elizabeth Bitayin will be the new faces of the 1,000 peso bill.
  3. National TV will be ABias-CBN.
  4. The national anthem will be changed to "Kahit Konting Awa" sang by Nora Aunor.

On entertainment, the following provisions were made:
  1. No Filipino will be allowed to bring copyrighted materials from abroad.  However every foreigner must buy Filipino entertainment media or they cannot get out of the country.
  2. All foreign telenovelas will be banned.  On the other hand Pinoy TV drama will be promoted abroad.  The only foreign shows that will be accepted are those with a Pinoy in it.
  3. Nobody will be allowed to sing non-Filipino songs in the karaoke.  Foreigners included.
  4. All Filipino music must use kulitang and other native instruments and must be sung in baybayin.

On international businesses:
  1. It will be a 99% Filipino owned, 1% foreign owned policy and that the company must only hire Filipinos only.
  2. All foreign restaurants must agree to sell Filipino food as part of their menu or else they will be shut down aside from complying to the 99/1 policy.

On cybercrime these were added:
  1. Criticizing the performance of anybody in politics will be considered a cybercrime.
  2. To criticize any Filipino movie or TV series as OA and praning will also be considered a cybercrime.
  3. All i-Tunes stations and other legitimate downloads will require government restriction that means downloading a non-Filipino movie or any related media even with payment is as illegal as piracy.
  4. Memes and the like will be a ground to be guilty for treason.

On Filipinos who succeed abroad:
  1. Every Filipino who succeed abroad must make a hero's call or be deemed a traitor.
  2. All Filipinos are required to gloat to non-Filipino by blood citizens that Pinoys are the greatest in the world.
  3. OFWs must remit their money to feed their lazy relatives or be branded as traitors.
  4. All those with Filipino blood must pay taxes even if they are living abroad and have no income in the Philippines.

On foreigners:
  • It will be proposed that no Chinese will be welcomed.  PNP officers will be trained to capture buses full of Chinese and blast them to oblivion.  This is in revenge against the drug mules who were "unjustly" executed by them.
  • For any country who wishes to execute our fellow Pinoys, if that happens we will wage war against them never mind how weak the Philippines ahem Pinoypines is!
  • All those of Chinese blood will be exiled back to China.  Should China not accept them, we declare war!
  • All of Spanish blood will be exiled back to Spain.  Should Spain not accept them, we declare war!

On OFW protection:
  • Every OFW shall be granted protection from foreign laws when they work abroad.  The government is therefore responsible for pleading for their release even if they are guilty.  Should the country refuse, we declare war!

On military reforms:
  • Pinoy military reformation will remove rifles, grenades and the like influenced by America in exchange for bolos and spears.

On education:
  • Schools will begin to teach the alibata system, the baybayin language and books will be written on indigenous materials.
  • English will be removed from the curriculum in favor of baybayin.
  • Chinese schools will be shut down and deported to China.

On parties:
  • Gate crashing is perfectly legal so don't complain.
  • Celebrate even if you don't have money.  If you don't have money then loan!

Comments

  1. Another Hermit Kingdom in the making? :P

    But wait. The fact that there is still stuff like TV and iTunes also makes this hypocritical... XD

    ReplyDelete

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