Satirical News: Habitually Tardy Pinoy CHR Vice Chairman Filipo D. Hippo Arrested In Tondo, Manila


Chaos ensued after President Rodrigo R. Duterte had signed an official ban on public smoking. CHR Vice Chairman Filipo D. Hippo was last seen leading a new rally against President Duterte with CHR Chairman Chito Gascon, Etta Rosales, Kasindak Puslit and now they were joined by Renato Reyes Jr. with a group of protesters of Makabobo. The action did not easily get unnoticed by the Department of Justice. An arrest warrant was prepared together with a surprise ambush.


Justice Secretary Vitaliano N. Aguirre Jr. and PNP Chief Bato Dela Rosa raided Hippo's house in Tondo, Manila. This was a surprise ambush on Hippo's residence. The raid was done on 12:00 MN as a surprise ambush while Hippo was singing karaoke with his fellow CHR colleagues. Samples of Marbobo and Robredo facial cream were found in Hippo's safe. It was discovered that Marbobo was actually a mixture of shabu and marijuana explaining why those who smoked it fell into states of lunacy. PNP Chief Dela Rosa and a group of policemen had arrested both Hippo and Puslit together with other CHR employees who were singing karaoke at late night.

"I was hoping it was only late night distraction but hints from neighbors reveal that both Hippo and Puslit were involved in trading Marbobo. We believe that Robredo Facial Cream may also be a toxic substance which will be analyzed by experts. We are still cracking the case of Marbobo and Jim Parada." said Justice Secretary Aguirre in an interview.

The Justice Secretary was known to have had a feud with Hippo. Hippo requested for his help but was turned down because the latter was too busy attending to Getulio Napenas. The Justice Secretary also showed several evidence that Hippo and his friends had transactions with Senator Leila Dilemma. They were also receiving money from Loida Nicolas Lewis. Their houses also had a lot of fake SD cards for electoral machines which are determined to install Kris Aquino as president and Bum Aquino as vice president. The SD card also contained data that would eliminate any member from other parties and this time make sure that only the Liberal Party would win the 2022 elections. Documents related to unseating President Duterte were found in Hippo's and Puslit's email which they left open while they were singing karaoke past midnight.

Both Hippo and Puslit were given the right to remain silent by PNP Chief Bato. Both were arrested for drug related charges. What was also discovered that Hippo and Puslit had transactions from RCBC Tondo. The money was traced to Lewis' account. Gascon, Rosales and Jim Parada were last seen leading a rally not only demanding for Dilemma's release but also for Hippo and his friends who got arrested in Tondo. They were faced with the problem that too few attended the rally for the supposed political prisoners. Both were escorted and are currently in detention at PNP headquarters.

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