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Showing posts with the label Philippines

Satirical News: New Information Suggests Alice Guo Is Only 22 (Going 23) Years Old

New reports suggest Alice Guo was neither born in the 1990s nor the 1980s. New information dug had revealed that Alice herself may only be 22 years old . In short, allegedly faked documents listed different birth certificates. Alice was said to be born on August 31, 1990 or July 12, 1986, now been revealed that she may have been born on November 29, 2002. In short, Alice had faked her age to run for mayor. Photos of Alice as a member of Kabataan Pantylist were leaked. Alice's photos as a Kabataan Pantylist member prove she is younger than Sarah Jane Elgago. Sarah was born on October 18, 1989. New evidence suggests that Alice was actually born in 2002 -- making her 13 years younger than Sarah. The age requirement ot be mayor in the Philippines is at least 25. Doing the math, Alice was only 20 years old when she became mayor of Bamban, Tarlac, in 2022. Alice was later declared "null and void" due to her questionable citizenship and underage status when she was mayor.  More ...

Satirical News: More Alice Guo Photos Put Kabataan Pantylist, Risa Hontivirus Into Question

More leaked photos of Alice Guo aka Guo Hua Ping got surfaced. Alice's photos reveal that she was a bonafide stooge for Kabataan Pantylist . It turns out Alice joined Kabataan Pantylist at the same time when Sarah Jane Elgago (now a member of Gagabriela) rose up as the "poorest congresswoman". Leaked photos of Alice show her having possible connections to both Kabataan Pantylist and Risa Hontivirus.  Another photo revealed that Alice received yellow flowers from Risa Hontivirus. Tarlac is the hometown of the Aquinos. New allegations rise that Risa and Kabataan Pantylist caused Alice to rise up in the first place. Another photo revealed that Alice was indeed a member of Kabataan Pantylist in Tarlac. A new photo revealed that Alice was responsible for recruiting children to Kabataan Pantylist. New evidence reveal that Alice was also responsible for bringing children over to Kabataan Pantylist. It was revealed that Alice financed Kabataan Pantylist in making secret bases. A...

Satirical News: Sarah Jane Elgago Receives Gifts From The Chinese Communist Party

  Many CPP-NPA legal fronts continue to deny their links to the late Joma Sison. Yesterday was the birthday of former congresswoman, Sarah Jane Elgago. The Kabataan Partylist greeted her with a happy birthday. What soon happened was a leaked shot of Elgago getting a birthday cake and an Eagle pistol.  Later investigation revealed that the cake and pistol came from the Chinese Embassy. What was also confirmed was that the Chinese Communist Party gave Elgago money worth CNY 100,000. Elgago denied the allegations. The photo of Elgago receiving a cake and holding the gun went viral. Chinese Emperor Xi Jinping sent a message, "生日快乐 Sarah Elgago" which translates into "Happy Birthday Sarah Elgago." A note from the CCP was given. Investigations towards national security will be done. According to Elgago, the Chinese government and the NTF-ELCAC have agreed to frame her. People still question why she seemed so enthusiastic holding her brand-new gun. Reports of delicious Chi...

Satirical News: Jover Laurio Launches New Book "Pinoy Ako Blog: How To Blog Against A Dictator"

  Rappler CEO and founder, Maria Ressa, had won several awards. Ressa had been one of the many principal sponsors of the wedding of Jover Laurio of Pignoy Ako Blog . Ressa's win of the Nobel Fish Fries last year, the Golden Pen of Freedom Award in 2018, and the Emmy Awards this year inspired Laurio herself to write a book called Pinoy Ako Blog: How to Blog Against a Dictator . A new book was released out of the blue. Ressa conducted a one-on-one interview with Laurio. Laurio also said to Ressa in the interview, "I am truly inspired by your mountains of awards. I'm sure supporters of Duterte and Marcos Jr. are now crying tears of blood. I couldn't thank you enough for having me nominated for the Nobel Fish Fries. I even had the support of the World Association of Newspapers. Amar Clooney even called my new book a masterpiece. I'm also thankful for your editing of my work." Ressa was said to be impressed with the way Laurio talked about her new book. The book Pi...

Satirical News: Shaina Magdayao To Endorse Vice President Leni Loud Robredo's Cucina De Leni

The discontinuation of the ABS-CBN franchise had caused the channel to go off-air and rely on paid frequency. The celebrities went into mourning mode over their free government franchise. Now, the time has come for ABS-CBN to show its full celebrity support for the presidential candidacy of Vice President Leni Loud Robredo. Robredo called herself the "mother of the nation" and started her kitchen campaign. Now, it was time to revive the film Ang Tanging Ina N'yong Lahat (The Only Mother to You All) with cast members for a reunion. However, Heart Evangelista or Ann Marie Ongpauco-Escudero has moved to GMA-7. Now, it was time to pick a new endorser for the newest project called Cucina De Leni (Kitchen of Leni).  Cast member Shaina Garcia Magdayao (left) had been picked to become an endorser of Cucina De Leni. Robredo had gained some momentum during her outreach when she gave some pasta to some homeless children in Paseo, Rizal. It was said that the parents gave their bright...

Tinagtag's Possible Origins And Other Similar Dishes

People in Zamboanga or who have went to Zamboanga may be familiar with the dessert or snack called tinagtag. It's basically fried rice noodles produced by the Muslim communities in Mindanao. Some may call it the Zamboanga Roll. However, like any dish, there's always the tendency to move from one place to another. This would be an interesting thing to deal with when I found this video as well... To no surprise, the tinagtag's origins aren't purely Filipino either. Try taking a look at the video above and you may notice that what's cooked above is really equivalent to what's called tinagtag or lokot-lokot in the Philippines. The method of using rice flour paste with sugar, letting it drip into hot oil in circular motion (some even use their hands in the absence of a strainer), frying it, and then later shaping it is very similar.  For some Filipinos in Mindanao - the dish may have come from Malaysia or Indonesia which are very close to the Philippines. I mean, Zam...

The Use Of Chinese Pinyin VS. Traditional Phonetics

Pinyin is used in every Chinese dialect. Though, the one I'm familiar with is Mandarin though I'm afraid that ethnic linguicide is affecting Cantonese, Hokkien, and other Chinese dialects. Mandarin is still used in Taiwan as the national language even though their shows would sprinkle the Taiwanese dialect in some instances. Although I'm having issues with China as a political entity - I still sympathize with the people who are but victims of the Chinese Communist Party. Taiwan or the Republic of CHINA still uses Chinese pinyin even if they have declared themselves independent from the People's Republic of China. A lot of people are actually reading pinyin wrong. It's pretty much much how J and Que are misread by foreigners. A lot of people unfamiliar with the Chinese language misread it. So, what's the big point? If j in Tagalog is actually read as a softer h where Juan is read as Huan with a softer h - z is read as tsai or a softer chu. That means Ken Zhu ...

Satirical News: Representative Sarah Elgago Investigated For Possible Pastry Scam

Representative Sarah Elgago's cases have been piling up. She had her expensive Carlyn handbag collection , her expensive wardrobe , and receiving Max Mara clothes from Krisis Aquino . Recently, she got tagged in yet another uncovered incident (picture above) that shows that she was tagged with an overpriced cupcake incident. The picture above was allegedly taken in Makati City with Kim Tun Chong and Erlinda Chong. It was said that Elgago secretly had ties with Nancy Bitay too. Outrage from citizens of Rep. Elgago getting involved in an alleged pastry scam was high. She soon reacted violently to the picture above. More testimonies also reveal that she was part of Risa Hontiveros' pizza scam . It was said that Rep. Elgago was an instrument to manipulate the prices of cakes. Allegedly, Elgago was involved in doing so to allow Kayabangan Partylist to sell their cakes and get all their money back. "This is preposterous. Democracy has really died with all the harassment do...

Satirical News: Shinzo Abe Declares Persona Non-Grata On Leah Navarro

The recent incident regarding Leah Navarro has been reached to Japan. Both Japan's Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and Philippine President Rodrigo R. Duterte have made a mutual agreement regarding the incident. Prime Minister Abe expressed his grievances and promised President Duterte to sign a persona non-grata on Shinzo Abe. "I am disappointed at how Leah Navarro belittled kitchen staff. I admit, Nobita Aquino was seen off by them too. If she loves former president Nobita Aquino that much - she should know that he, too, was seen off by kitchen staff during his visit. She had insulted the Japanese value of menial labor. I, therefore, order a temporary restraining order against her until she issues a public apology." said Prime Minister Abe. Soon enough, Navarro started to tweet that it was unfair. She said, "In due respect Shinzo Abe, declaring me persona non-grata until I apologize is a childish decision. I was just expressing how if President Duterte were so valued ...

Satirical News: Sarah Elgago's Leaked Expensive Wardrobe Causes Public Outrage

Representative Sarah Elgago who was grilled for her expensive Carlyn Handbag Collection  yet faces another possible probe. What was leaked was that aside from the handbags -- she has had a wardrobe filled with 15 most outrageously expensive brands worn by Korean pop idols . The whole controversy was shown when she was spotted wearing expensive red clothes after she had a haircut. This was shortly after she was checked in at the Patrick Star hospital after she had a temporary collapse. The reactions caused a trigger in social media. Netizens started to question where she got the money to spend on her expensive wardrobe. A lot of angry netizens started posting cuss words against her. Some even say she may have even snuck away taxpayers' money to buy her luxurious clothes aside from her handbag collection. Some netizens even said she was a hypocrite to condemn the Marcoses when she too is following in the footsteps of Imelda Romualdez-Marcos. She wanted to cry harassment but it...

Satirical News: Sarah Elgago Cries Harassment As She Is Asked To Account For Her Carlyn Handbag Collection

Representative Sarah Elgago of Kayabangan Partylist is no stranger to controversy. A recent picture (above) was leaked online where she was posing with an expensive white bag and branded clothes. While she did claim to be the poorest member in Congress - the claim has been contested. The handbag was said to cost at least PHP 18,000.00. She was later scrutinized to account for her PHP 18,000.00 handbag which she reportedly owned a cabinet of it. A recent case that was brought up in the Senate hearing was Risa Hontiveros' pizza scam . She was allegedly involved in the pizza scam. How much money she may have paid for the pizzas is still unknown. "What do they want me to account the handbag for? I bought it with my own money just like my i-Phone X! This is harassment at its finest! It's a repeat of the harassment done against former chief justice Maria Lourdes Sereno!" said Rep. Elgago in an interview. The attitude of her caused an attack of million of hates on Twi...

Satirical News: Marbobo Roxas Blames Free Trade For Venezuelan Crisis

It is no surprise that Marbobo Roxas now makes another scene in hopes of #OtsoDiretso to get a straight vote. He decided to make a statement on Labor Day 2019 which he said the following: I would like to address that if you see Venezuela's woes -- you can blame that on free trade. Its current president Nicolas Maduro and his predecessors made Venezuala poor and you know by what? The answer is free trade. Free trade is the reason why Venezuela crisis has happened. Let me tell you what happened. The Venezuelan government is making people lose jobs by inviting foreign investors. Venezuelans are now out of work because foreign investors have flattened out jobs in Venezuela. Now they are enslaved. The same is the situation in North Korea. North Koreans allow free trade which made North Koreans unemployed. South Korea is protectionist which makes it rich. You want to be thankful for high quality South Korean products? You can thank protectionism for that! If you want to know how f...

Satirical News: Rep. Carlos Zarate Proposes Pinoy Entertainment Supremacy Bill

Representative Carlos Zarate of Bayad Muna Partylist has decided to pass a new law after the arrival of BlackPink K-Pop girl group. He now drafted the Pinoy Entertainment Supremacy Bill which has the following provisions: The previous proposal which says that Filipinos may no longer bring any books, DVDs or any media from abroad will no longer be allowed.  Foreign entertainment will now be forbidden on TV, radio and the Internet. Filipinos can watch Internet TV but only for their local shows. Badmouthing teleseryes will result to a 20-year imprisonment and it is considered non-bailable. Filipino films and media will be exported abroad. If said country refuses to air them then said country will be antagonized. He soon said in an interview, "It's a shame that Filipinos no longer appreciate our local artists. I couldn't forget the horrors that happened with the arrival of One Direction, the fact that Rurouni Kenshin's sequel movies defeated our local films and n...

Satirical News: Leni Loud Robredo And Kris Aquino Linked To Narco Alcos' Two Escape Incidents

As in-fighting between Kris Aquino and Nicko Falcis aggravated as of late -- another revelation has revealed a recording that Atty. Romulo Macalinlang did receive orders to release Narco Alcos from jail twice. The first incident in Dasmarines, Cavite  as well as the second incident in Camarines Sur  revealed that Leni Loud Robredo and Kris were both responsible for the two escape incidents. The smartphone of Atty. Macalinlang did contain a conversation that revealed both Kris and Leni Loud gave him orders. Also, it was revealed in Macalinlang's Yahoo and Gmail addresses namely attymacalinlang@gmail.com and abogadongsinungaling@yahoo.com that he had received checks and cash transfers from both Leni Loud and Kris. Part of the expenses that were broken down also included magic dust sold from India and China which allowed Atty. Macalinlang to let Alcos escape from jail not once but twice. It was also revealed that Alcos himself is supposedly paid for by both Leni Loud and Kris. Al...

Satirical News: Mar Roxas Confirmed To Have Brought Back Balangiga Bells

Former DILG Secretary Manuel A. Roxas may have finally gotten the people's favor at last. It was confirmed by this photo that he did indeed bring the Balangiga Bells from the United States back to the Philippines. President Duterte decided to praise his current critic Roxas and said, "You have done your job well Roxas. It looks like you can still be redeemed. If it wasn't for Mar then the Balingiga Bells which rightfully belongs to the Filipino people would have not been returned." The picture showed Roxas having carried said bells to their location. He was given a warm reception by the people of Balangiga. Stay tuned for further developments! 

Satirical News: Leni Loud Robredo Introduces Chili-Based Christmas Decorations

Vice President Leni Loud Robredo has now announced that all the prices of chili have dropped back to normal. As she calls herself as "ever the proud Bicolana" -- she finally introduced a new Christmas decoration where chili is used as a means to help "fight off inflation". She was last seen dressed up in chili outfits to sell the new decoration. "This is a cheap alternative to your typical Christmas decorations. Since the prices of chili have returned to normal then I would suggest people to start using chili in their decorations." said Leni Loud in an interview at ABS-CBN. However, the safety of the chili-based decorations were raised. Some members of the DOH have mentioned that these may be hazardous to people with respiratory problems. Others though said it may help ward off pests. There were mixed reactions to Leni Loud's chili-based decorations. Stay tuned for further developments!

Satirical News: Gary Alejano Sells Fishballs To Finance Anti-China Army

Representative Gary Alejano was last seen selling fishballs to finance the  Alejano Resistance Against China's Aggression  (ARACA). He had last mentioned that funding ARACA -- his planned army to go against the Chinese military's aggression in the West Philippine Sea or South China Sea would require lots of money. President Rodrigo R. Duterte expressed his disapproval of fighting China head-on while Alejano called using the Hague to defeat China's aggression to be an "act of cowardice". He was last seen selling fishballs which he hopes will help finance ARACA's cause. He was last spotted and he said, "Everybody loves fishballs. It will certainly finance ARACA in its need to buy plenty of naval ships. I am doing this to let people know that I don't need President Duterte's help to show him how to deal with the Chinese Army. After all, I have Filipino-Chinese in-laws which will help in defeating the huge Chinese army and chase them out of their un...

Satirical News: China Requests Philippines To Hand Over Antonio Trillanes IV As Part Of Peace Talks

The arrest of Antonio Trillanes IV and his post of "temporary bail" now reached the Chinese government's ears. Chinese Justice Minister Fu Zheng Hua is destined to meet with Filipino Justice Secretary Menardo Guevarra regarding Antonio Trillanes IV as a possible exchange tool for peace talks. Chinese Justice Minister Fu issued an official statement that the Chinese government is willing to surrender its claim to Spratlys in exchange for Trillanes and his friends. It was uncovered by the Chinese Justice Department that Trillanes himself was guilty of several drug transactions in China. He was in fact helpful in helping Chinese triad members bring their wares all the way from China to the Philippines. Filipino Justice Secretary Guevarra is more than willing to accept the negotiation concerning Trillanes. Philippine President Rodrigo R. Duterte was willing to set in a new arrangement to meet with Chinese Justice Minister Fu regarding Trillanes' fate. President Duter...

Satirical News: Risa Hontiveros Scrutinized For Giving Away Free Domino's Pizza To Rallyists

It is September 21, 2018 and Senator Risa Hontiveros a member of Akbayad and of the Liberal Party led her rally. Now the Senate has raised an investigation team has been raised ever since she launched today's rally.  What was found at the site were delivery trucks of Domino's Pizza for the rallyists. It was a truck full of pizza. The total cost of Domino's Pizza ordered by Senator Hontiveros totaled up to PHP 5 Million pesos in one day. However, as the number of rallyists were really low so the pizzas were so low -- all the pizzas ordered went to waste. Former DSWD secretary Stinky Soliman soon arrived and decided to give the expired pizza to the victims of Typhoon Ompong. However, both Hontiveros and Soliman were soon force-fed with the rotten pizzas they intended to give to the victims of Ompong. Stay tuned for further details! 

Satirical News: Gary Alejano Now Accepting Recruits For His Planned Anti-Chinese Military Army

Representative Gary Alejano was criticizing President Rodrigo R. Duterte for making peace talks with China and wanting to end the conflict at the Hague decided to take matters in his own hands. Rather than try to end the conflict with China at the Hague -- Alejano decides to do what he calls as "the most daring measure ever" by personally leading an attack against the Chinese army. "We Filipinos cannot just idly sit here and watch. We have our forces. We must challenge China out of the Pacific Ocean or we're doomed. I plan to lead an army to attack the Chinese naval forces that is harassing the Pacific Ocean. It will not only make me a Filipino hero but I will also be a hero to Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Vietnam and other countries. President Duterte is a coward. I will show them what a real man is made of. Right now, I am recruiting Filipinos of all ethnic groups to help form the Alejano Resistance Against China's Aggression (ARACA). This will be a momentous b...