Sean Akizuki's Personal Blog

  I've suffered from low self-esteem issues. I had Beast's temper -- getting mad at almost everything if things never went my way. I related to Beast more than Gaston. The reason was because Gaston had the admiration of the crowd. Beast was self-isolated and having skin problems as a teenager NEVER HELPED. Teenage years are pretty much like I want to grow up and not grow up -- at the same time! I saw the inner beast that needed to be squashed. I felt I needed that fabled beauty back as a TEENAGER. It should be something to think about.  And of course that awkward incident... This reminds me of a couple of women I felt could "break me out of my curse". I think my most hilarious one was with a girl who resembles Shin Hye Sun. I no longer found her pretty later on. However, what I can't deny is that she's an incredibly smart woman -- perhaps even the most intelligent girl on campus! Some found her pretty but others never did. I'd say that I was attracted to h...

  I guess the trope of Dating Catwoman can be real. I wrote about courting a woman married to the job . If anything, I did try to court her again but found out that she's lost her interest in marriage. I did feel a bit awkward about it. It was like I was Batman and she was Catwoman. It does feel awkward I tried to court her again but she's still married to the job. Trying to ask her out on Valentine's Day and she's still married the job.  I guess this was the best way to describe things back then. She was more of a Catwoman than a Poison Ivy. By then, the Poison Ivy of my life had already been dating more boys than I could imagine. I always felt that courting her is like Batman courting Catwoman. It does feel more awkward when I'm also a Batman x Poison Ivy shipper.  Getting over her hasn't been easy TBH. 

  A licensed cover of a song isn't a direct translation. I'm pretty sure that Jacky Cheung's Cantonese cover of Ariel Rivera's hit song "Sana Kahit Minsan" (If Only Sometimes) will have a different meaning. Aaron Kwok has a cover of Jose Mari Chan's "Beautiful Girl" in Mandarin. There's the song " Meng Xing Shi Fen " - a song that was all lost in my memory until Google allowed people to find songs by HUMMING it. Now, there's the English cover called "Love Can Make Your Heart Go Crazy" by Tokyo Square. If I'm not wrong, Linda Trang Dai, a Vietnamese-American, is also part of that group.  This song carries a different meaning from "Meng Xing Shi Fen" which means "Awakening from a Dream". We would have these lyrics: You saу love has changed the fading world And the world is such a fool Just believing in such a thing makes уour heart go crazу You saу уou haven’t really been love before And уour hear...

I find myself amazed how time can change. I could remember my strange encounter with a PINAY girl who looks like Crystal Liu . I've had some weird come-and-go flings. I did have my high school fling who finally tied the knot. I had my ex-girlfriend who tied the knot and has three children now. I've been looking for a bride like Canalo has been in Ryusoulger . Yet, it seems my recent target bride declares herself married to the job. It's ironic, really that she once offered herself to me if I were single. She was 17 years old and I was 20 years old so I guess it's HORMONES. Was it hormonal? It was a weird misadventure when not only did she offer herself to be my girlfriend. I did remember her going nuts when I started texting that girl who looks like Bea Saw-Tan.  What I soon found was the status of the two girls. The Bea Saw lookalike was more or less married to her job too. Well, it turns out that the Crystal-lookalike decided she's married to the job. I would admi...

  I was thinking about that another dream I had was marrying THAT material girl. I always felt I had an on/off infatuation with her. Watching Vincenzo made me think how Jeon Yeo Bin looks somewhat like her. I really had a fixation with her for some strange reason. Then I realized that I could've been NCOVed by a material girl . We both came from a middle-class non-elite school yet she had her material girl tendencies. She had very expensive taste and it made me think, "OH NO! THERE GOES MY MONEY!" Then I had a weird dream that we got married for real and it happened when we met back in college. So I did dream we got married. The wedding couldn't just take place with the savings I planned. The big issue was I wanted to use a fancy-looking Toyota but she insisted on a brand-new Mercedes Benz. The wedding ring had to be that expensive. I couldn't think about the discomfort I had with an Armani suit (which I wouldn't dare buy) and wearing rather expensive leather ...

 I was thinking about a couple of stuff that hit me back in college. My third-year college to fourth-year (though it was really my fourth year and fifth year) college was me racing against time to finish school on time. Research papers, there are some things to do to pass the semester, and summer school (again) so I could graduate on time. One of the many issues that entered my head was marriage. Well, I was thinking about a weird dream that hit my head hard. I still had an ongoing grudge against a really ugly bitch, I still felt the urge to have my "revenge" on a girl who looks like Shin Hye Sun or Sayuri Uchida (even after my mom didn't want her), I had an on/off fling with a really hot woman who looks like Pamela Anderson, and there was this Crystal Liu-lookalike. I felt that her being smart, sophisticated, and pretty even if she's not Chinese can defy the norms of old-fashioned folks I've defied in one way or another.  I remembered the weird dream I was marryi...

  I could remember a weird time I had a college on/off fling, a Pinay girl with Chinese features (but wasn't Chinese), who kind of resembled Crystal Liu. She's a rather sophisticated attractive woman, a dean's lister, an accounting student, and that's what made her quite intimidating in an indirect way. I took a two-year computer course and became an irregular student in business administration. We met at two different ages - she was 17 years old, a fresh high school graduate, and I was 20 years old irregular third-year business administration student. I had to take several summer classes to finish the course in three years. Being an adult in love with a teenager (nearing being an adult) though wasn't a problem. She was turning 18 years old and I was turning 21 years old by the following year.  There were a couple of college love interests along with her. One was a woman who looks like Jeon Yeo Bin (and she was a very materialistic woman), another was a woman who lo...

Here's a song that gave me an earworm wondering what the title was for years. Fortunately, there's some technology that helps us find an OLD SCHOOL song. Google voice search is amazing. This song is called "Awaken from a Dream" by Sarah Chen - also the same song that launched her career and kept her popular even after her retirement. I could remember how I heard this song in Chinese restaurants more often than not. Granted, I grew up in the Philippines so Chinese isn't my first-hand language. I didn't even get interested in learning Mandarin (because I was obsessed with the American-Japanese superiority mentality while disliking Power Rangers which was a collaboration of two sides) until Meteor Garden aired in the Philippines.  Here's the English translation of the lyrics from Lyrics Translate : You say that you loved someone whom you shouldn't have, Your heart is filled with scars You say that you made a mistake that you shouldn't have, Your heart...

It's no doubt that I like and dislike chemistry SIMULTANEOUSLY. It's one thing to consider to love the study of different topics like the applications of chemistry, linking biology to chemistry, or whatever memorization and simple computations are there. However, I do still dislike stoichiometry like I don't like performing accounting cycles on my own. Both stoichiometry and accounting are important though I get dizzy doing balancing while I understand why I need to study them. Stoichiometry is a subject that requires extreme precision otherwise EVERYTHING blows up. I get panicky about it though it does get interesting to rediscover chemistry even if I'm no longer pressured by problem-solving. The science of weight loss is one. I have been trying to burn calories since I got myself a pedometer. Now, I wanted to know how do you lose weight? It's not that emphasized in high school biology except in qualitative matters. High school biology teaches about the h...

I just thought a bit of unrequited love with a Tsinay that I should be happy that it happened. Sometimes, the worst is meant to the best, right? I just thought of how things would've been IF I did get her eventually. I was really trying to get her without thinking of one thing - she's a freaking material girl! I thought about a lot of stuff that could've happened on how dating her on Valentine's Day would totally ruin me financially. I'm just making a bit of a post of how it'd be if I broke as a joke right now. NCOV here isn't the virus but #NoCashOnValentines which could've happened that day.  I was thinking about her expensive taste in food, clothes, and whatever. Personally, I like to mix both expensive and affordable only if the quality is good. Hmmm I could think of why I even don't like high-end products - they break and I pay MUCH HIGHER for repairs and parts! Yup, that's why I don't use Apple products in contrast to Samsung and...

Sometimes, I wonder why I even fell for a girl thinking she was so hot when she was not. Bad taste? Maybe. But I was thinking about all the traits that would make me want her. The girl resembled Shin Hye Sun in some way. I find it amazing right now I could watch through anything with Shin Hye Sun without really thinking about the girl or my mother's uncalled-for reaction toward her face. If anybody was truly physically THAT UGLY - I'd say it was my so-called first love who I label as "Mileena". I could remember how I depreciated myself because of her "perfection" when she wasn't. I struggled in high school but she was on the top. I could remember the time I actually had Disney's Beauty and the Beast as an inspiration for going after her. I imagined myself as a cursed beast needing her to break the spell. She may not be Belle externally but she was, at least, internally. She had Belle's love for reading and that drew me to her. I could consid...

I thought about how high school infatuation may usually need to stay as it is -- high school infatuation. It reminds me of how my rival for a girl who I thought was so hot but she was not married someone else. That girl who I thought was so hot when she married somebody else. It all goes down the drain because of the whole idea of teenage immaturity. So I discovered some girl who resembles Sayaka Akimoto had her pre-nuptial pictorial already. Then I thought that it's no loss that we started to distance from each other. The whole world is just a huge space where there are more opportunities out there. She was but a passing phase and I never took her that seriously or even considered her for a bride. Anyway, congratulations to one of the many women in my Wolverine-like lovelife!

I just want to relieve some tension today on Valentine's Day on the number of girls that actually formed a complicated love life. Perhaps one reason why Wolverine is one of my favorite X-Men characters if not my favorite (though I do have a Cyclops vs. Mr. Sinister clash with someone) is because of the love life thing going on. So what really happened? Pictures of the girls are just representations of who they are - not their real faces.  I think about my "so-called first love" who I compared to Rie Aoi though she wasn't my greatest love. I thought about how I soon got too serious with her in my late tens so why it happened is just STUPID. I remembered my former best friend also wanted her but as said -- it was for selfish reasons. I soon deceived myself into believing that I truly loved. I started longing for her though it was more of a desire of marriage for convenience -- she was a good shot even if she wasn't pretty. I said to myself once that I'd alwa...

It's been six years since one of the girls that I liked behind my closet tied the knot. I would dare say it's been a four-year denial that I didn't want to fight for -- perhaps it's my greatest regret. But again, we were just teenagers when I had that crush on her for those four straight years. Yes, she was the woman that I wanted to marry and I admit, while she was short and didn't have much of a sexy body -- she was quite a beauty if you ask me! But I always had to abide by the "no interbreeding" policy which just SUCKS. If I'm to talk she's prettier than that crazy high school fling I've had. What I thought about that four-year denial was this -- why wasn't I honest with my feelings for her? I was having my painful high school crush rejection who wasn't really pretty compared to her. If anything, I thought about how I used to tease her a lot to throw my frustrations at her yet she always repaid most of it with kindness -- except ...

There are times I tend to think about that one woman I had so much of a feeling for and she never answered it. I thought about that one time in my life where I was practically Wolverine while I thought of her as Jean Grey -- I liked her so much but soon enough, she got married to another man. But I thought of it that it's that moment that like Wolverine -- I just want my Jean Grey to be happy.  She was just a psychological need. She had certain qualities of my frustrated high school crush -- except she was a little more attractive. She wasn't all that pretty but she was definitely what I'd call my Jean Grey. I soon developed a bizarre attraction that was NEVER going to work. It wasn't meant to work. I wanted to do so but I thought it wasn't going to work. I realized that if I really loved her then I should learn to let go. I thought about it that I should just let her be with the man that she loves. If I love her and she can't love me back then the bes...

If there's any courtship you could consider to be scary is if a man courts a woman who's like Lady Tremaine. Yes, that one. I thought of one time I fell for someone who had Lady Tremaine's cold demeanor. She was simply passable, it was easy to think she was a decent lady -- that's until all doors are closed and she reveals just how she may be the nicest person in public but behind closed doors that she's one FREAKING MONSTROUS INDIVIDUAL. Yes, I thought about how the dark days of College were there when I met her. I just tried to talk to her and man she really, REALLY screamed at me. Worse, she would heckle and insult ANYONE for their weaknesses while she had a table of friends who were mostly after whatever she offered them -  all who benefited from her so-called generosity. She would rudely bring them anywhere to where she was invited but where they weren't invited. What made her scary was that she always knew how to play the victim. She could make herse...

Going back to memory lane is both fun and frustrating. It's like playing old school games -- you can remember the fun of playing it at the same time you remember the downside of old school games. Another one that I could think about was falling for a woman five years older when I was nearing adolescence -- I was 11 and she was 16 when it happened. I admired her performance on every school program and I couldn't help but notice she was quite a looker.  I never had a formal conversation with her and I admit -- that crush went nowhere but admiring from afar. I admit, she was a beauty to behold during her time. I wanted to pursue it and watching "The Phantom Menace" somewhat encouraged it -- both Anakin was five years younger than Padme. I never openly spoke about it -- not even with my classmates or family during that time. I just kept it to myself and that crush went nowhere. But she was nowhere to be found so it went nowhere and I accepted it. Plus, I started liki...

It's already 2017 but part of me still can't forget that painful courtship  where I made a fool out of myself. I could remember how I actually started pursuing her even more during the -ber months of that same year. All I thought was her (or was it) because I felt like I truly loved her and wanted her even when actions said otherwise. When I was near her and she was 14 and I was 16, I could only tell her, "Hate me all you want but that will make me want you more! I will just pursue you until you're mine." This led to my rivalry with a classmate of mine who also had a crush on her. My thoughts on her was that we were practically worlds apart, no even galaxies apart. I thought about how she was doing well in school and I wasn't. I was always having problems with my grades and she was a pretty smart girl. I thought about how I wanted her. I thought I wanted her and started to get serious when we were freaking teenagers. I told her that she would be mine no ma...

It's come to my mind that I might actually be in interested to date with a cute nerd but it's not the first time. Right now, I think I'm in love with another cute nerd. I thought about searching for the " inner Belle " and some of them aren't obviously nerdy. Some of them are brilliant beauties but lack the glasses. Maybe they're wearing contact lenses instead of eyeglases. One who was an average beauty wore her glasses with pride. The smart pretty ladies of good character may have felt contact lenses were better for them. Am I only wanting because my so-called first crush already got married? Am I just looking for a psychological replacement? It's been my tendency to fall for nerdy girls all in the name of trying to fill that void. It's becoming sort of an issue that I tend to be stuck in the past and seek to fill those gaps that don't even need to be filled. I thought I was in love with my so-called first crush but I actually had another f...

I always thought about two or more girls who tend to attract me for certain attributes. Maybe one reason why I had a crush on the Rin Takanashi lookalike for some time was because we were both wide readers. For the Sayuri Uchida lookalike, she's an incredibly smart girl who's got a passion for sciences. It made me think of which two had the better "Inner Belle" among these girls. Take note that their appearances vary from average to pretty. I had my mixed feelings for some girl who looks like Rin Takanashi. I guess part of the reason why I had a crush on her were motivated on common interests such as K-Drama, Taiwan drama, J-Drama though she's NOT Japanese but of Spanish/Filipino descent. One thing's certain... she's a pretty smart girl and any prettier girl who doesn't have her brain won't distract me that long from her. But I'm afraid that some time later, it did mutate from like to lust. Her common points with Belle is that she hates ev...