A High School Infatuation That I Took Too Seriously

Sometimes, I wonder why I even fell for a girl thinking she was so hot when she was not. Bad taste? Maybe. But I was thinking about all the traits that would make me want her. The girl resembled Shin Hye Sun in some way. I find it amazing right now I could watch through anything with Shin Hye Sun without really thinking about the girl or my mother's uncalled-for reaction toward her face. If anybody was truly physically THAT UGLY - I'd say it was my so-called first love who I label as "Mileena".

I could remember how I depreciated myself because of her "perfection" when she wasn't. I struggled in high school but she was on the top. I could remember the time I actually had Disney's Beauty and the Beast as an inspiration for going after her. I imagined myself as a cursed beast needing her to break the spell. She may not be Belle externally but she was, at least, internally. She had Belle's love for reading and that drew me to her. I could consider her desirable because of her trim and proper wholesome behavior. Not to mention her cheerful disposition is anything but plastic. I was even told if I pursued her further in high school - I'd be in big trouble with her mother. Well, she was more of her mother's split image (with some resemblance to her father such as the obvious slanted East Asian eyes). What she lacked in appearance made up with her personality. When I said she was very beautiful - I was really unaware of praising her interior more than her exterior. Her personality always made it for her plain appearance. I guess that's why I am called to be so beautiful as true beauty is found within, right?

I couldn't think of how the last year of high school was something. I actually thought of making her my wife when I was 16 and she was 14. I had to get close to her mother but be subtle. Her authoritative mother always made it, a "No dating as teenagers!!!" policy. Well, I didn't want to wait and could have gotten into trouble. Though, I never got into all the stupidity of phoning her frequently. It was because I also had strict parents who implemented the same policy as her parents would. But I was determined to have her - thinking she was really going to be worth my time. Though I also had thoughts of revenge against her (for refusing my advances while we were teenagers). That revenge was by getting a more attractive woman to make her look bad. However, it's impossible to make her look bad if she has a good heart, right? Her good heart always convinced me not to pursue revenge because she's done nothing much but hurt my ego. Her good heart always made her look pretty when she wasn't!

Then it happened. Mom finally saw her and blasted me out over my "poor taste" in women. By that time I no longer found her pretty and started to avoid her. Then it happened - she found somebody and eventually married him. I once vowed no one would have her if I can't have her but never acted on it. I just found myself traumatized by those scathing remarks toward her. Letting her go showed I did love her. But if I did love her more - I would have probably protested against the insult done to her. But I didn't. Right now, I really can freely mention her name all over again without calling her "Ahem".