I've suffered from low self-esteem issues. I had Beast's temper -- getting mad at almost everything if things never went my way. I related to Beast more than Gaston. The reason was because Gaston had the admiration of the crowd. Beast was self-isolated and having skin problems as a teenager NEVER HELPED. Teenage years are pretty much like I want to grow up and not grow up -- at the same time! I saw the inner beast that needed to be squashed. I felt I needed that fabled beauty back as a TEENAGER. It should be something to think about.
And of course that awkward incident...
This reminds me of a couple of women I felt could "break me out of my curse". I think my most hilarious one was with a girl who resembles Shin Hye Sun. I no longer found her pretty later on. However, what I can't deny is that she's an incredibly smart woman -- perhaps even the most intelligent girl on campus! Some found her pretty but others never did. I'd say that I was attracted to her studious nature. She may be far from Belle BUT she was inwardly beautiful. I even feel like slapping myself saying, "Why didn't I go after her?" I even wanted to outgrow my angry self JUST FOR HER. I was aware there were other prettier girls BUT she was that intelligent. Sure's not pretty but it's hard not to notice her for her INTELLECT. Maybe, she's even a better wife material than Belle in Beauty and the Beast would be. That love for reading and intellectualism made me find her beautiful to LOOK AT. It's strange but it happened. I found her pretty because of her INTELLIGENCE. She still looks better than my so-called first crush thought!
In my insecurity, I soon called her so beautiful but that's only true for the INNER aspect. Outwardly, she was just plain. I found myself the "helpless Beast" and her as the "perfect Beauty". I felt I was entitled to shout and scream as an angry teenager IF she could calm me down. I thought about Beast's despair, especially in the scene where Beast says, "Show me the girl!" to the magic mirror. Beast despairs thinking Belle would never see him as anything but a monster. A rewatch made me realize Beast was so shallow before the curse -- he only thought of outward appearances. Beast was complaining about his being "LOOK AT ME!" when saying Belle's "so beautiful". I assigned such traits to that woman -- never mind I actually had other teenage crushes who I knew LOOKED BETTER. There was that pretty girl who wasn't so smart but she was kindhearted. I'd say that it was that my heart looked for an intelligent woman.
As I rewatched Beauty and the Beast (1991) after the 2017 version was lifeless to me -- I felt that there were still issues worth tackling. I'd like to share this from the Mendelson's Memos blog:
But where the film really drops the ball, where it arguably merits every bit of criticism tossed its way, is in its depiction of the Beast and his servants. We can argue back and forth about whether the filmmakers intend to present Belle as a prototypical romantic heroine or whether we are supposed to notice and acknowledge her personality quirks along the way. But there is little doubt that we are supposed to truly believe in the Beast's change-of-heart, and that he has become a better man who deserves the love of a woman such as Belle. And quite frankly he does not in the least. Just going by the second act onward (since Belle is captured in the climax of act one), he goes from angry, violent, abusive, and near-psychotic in his treatment of his prisoner to... less so. The various candles and teacups and clocks all inform him that if he would just stop being such a grouch that surely this girl would quickly learn to love him. But is that all it should take? The Beast doesn't become incredibly gallant or uncommonly noble. He doesn't become fantastically romantic and, since this is a Disney film, we're not supposed to take any carnal attractions into account. Basically the Beast merely finds it within himself to treat Belle with what is generally known as 'basic human decency'.
Throughout the second act, he constantly indulges in self-pity about the fact that Belle can only see him as a monster, when in fact she's merely seeing him as the abusive asshole/jailer that he is. By the time the film reaches its climax he has merely become.... not a monster. He becomes polite, lets her roam the castle without fear, allows her access to his gigantic library, and eventually invites her to a formal dinner and dance. That's it! His most selfless moment is allowing Belle to leave the castle to look after her father, who has become lost in the woods in an effort to rescue her. But since he is directly responsible for that situation, it really doesn't mean that much that he allows her to save her own father. Not allowing a sick old man to freeze to death in the woods is what you'd think would be 'bare minimum' in terms of how humans are supposed to treat other humans. The Beast doesn't win Belle over by doing anything other than what any rational and decent-hearted human being should have damn-well done in the first place. The Beast, his various servants, and by virtue the film itself is basically teaching kids that all it takes to win the heart of the girl of your dreams is merely not acting like a borderline psychopath. And it also preaches that this formally-cruel, domineering, abusive, and hostage-taking tyrant (who, according to a newly-added to the Blu-Ray song "Human Again", is also illiterate) is absolutely a prize merely after he puts a halt to his very worst personality traits. He doesn't so much become 'good' as stop being 'bad'.
I found myself in self-pity over that woman. I felt everything would fall apart if she would never be mine -- even if she was 14 and I was 16. She was raised by strict parents who wouldn't allow dating as TEENAGERS. I wanted a moment to be able to rescue her, get wounded, and even have have patch up my wounds and her thank me. Of course, I'd expect the usual argument which may no longer be romantic. Honestly, Beast lashing out at Bella at the West Wing should've been the last straw. Belle had just evaded Gaston. Why is Belle even bothering to help Beast? In due fairness, Beast saved Belle's life. But Beast should've let Belle go and not kept her around longer. I feel that Beast could've allowed Belle to save her father. Instead, Belle is somehow still kept a captive. It's almost like Belle's rejecting one inappropriate suitor for another -- who's still potentially destructive!
Out of despair, I uttered a modified version of what Beast told his servants. "Look at her! She's so beautiful and intelligent! And look at me! I'm so ugly and stupid! I feel like Beast begging Belle to eat dinner with him! She'll never see you as anything but a MONSTER!" I was given a rebuttal saying, "Maybe if you learn to control your temper -- she will eventually fall for you! Belle only said no because Beast yelled at her! You need to work on that temper of yours! Remember when Beast started to control his temper -- didn't he get Belle in the end and not Gaston?" I was stupefied. I wanted to control my temper to win her heart. However, when the woman met her would-be mother-in-law -- the latter wasn't a bit impressed! I kept saying she was pretty but she wasn't. I wouldn't put her in the category of hideous. I simply tore away what I wrote about her in shame. However, I felt that even other girls who looked better didn't matter at that time. In reality, it was her intellect and not her appearance that was winning me over. Maybe, I was only using her "good looks" as an excuse. The reality was the Belle IN HER was her intelligence and attitude.
The meeting with the would-be mother-in-law didn't go well. My mother's reaction wasn't good at all. I even feel like the queen-mother finally saying, "I forbid that that kind of face to be my daughter-in-law!" I allowed it to crowd me. Deep within -- I never realized that my desire for her was her INTELLIGENCE. A beautiful mind is more beautiful than a beautiful appearance. It was probably my lack of intellect that made me want her. Her mind was that beautiful! If only I admitted that's what I wanted about her. I knew there were many physically attractive women way above her. However, I felt that she had the most attractive MIND of all. Yes, she was Belle -- BELLE FROM WITHIN!
Comments
Post a Comment