Satirical News: Narco Alcos Escapes Jail In Camarines Sur, DOJ Declares Him Among Those Wanted Dead Or Alive


Mystery to mystery comes in as the ever-elusive Narco Alcos escapes jail yet again. First, he escaped jail in Dasmarinas, Cavite and now he escapes jail in Camarines Sur. This time, no amount of anti-magic charms were able to prevent Alcos from escaping his prison cell in Camarines Sur. What happened was that a group of janitors made to clean Alcos' assigned prison cell removed the magical charms. The very act allowed Atty. Romulo Macalinlang to cast another magic spell to let Alcos escape via a puff of smoke.

PNP Naga City revealed that the janitors were not janitors. In fact, they were actually members of Kabataan Partylist. Among the fake janitors to be identified were Sarah Elago and Raoul Manuel. They removed the magic charms that prevented any magical force from entering into Alcos' prison. One of the infiltrators who disguised himself as an elderly janitor was none other than Atty. Macalinlang. Atty. Macalinlang cast his magic spell which allowed their escape without any footprints whatsoever.

"This is a baffling incident. This is a major dangerous crime scene we have here. The escape of Alcos was a very well-orchestrated act. Although he had no access to the outside world yet for some reason, Atty. Macalinlang managed to infiltrate us. We relied too much on the lucky charms which supposedly warded out magic. We have declared him wanted Dead or Alive because of his drug related activities!" said Justice Secretary Menardo Guevarra.

The war on drugs still continue as Alcos' case has been opened. It revealed that he was connected to illegal Chinese triads pretending to the government officials from China. It was also revealed that Atty. Macalinlang magically caused a Chinese plane to land into Davao as part of the smokescreen. DOJ finally issued a presidential approved declaration that Alcos is now wanted Dead or Alive. He was last seen with Gary Alejano as they prepare to form the Alejano Resistance Against China's Aggression. Whether or not he has enlisted in this army remains to be seen.

Stay tuned for further developments!

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