My paternal grandmother died of old age. Not so many reach 91 years old these days and I hate to admit how I hate to see people dying so young! It had me thinking of those moments when I just don't want to wake up -- that is when she's in my dream and she's there, smiling and we're talking like the good old days. I saw her knitting on her chair and she was smiling at me. Today, she would have been 101 years old would have she lived. I still think about how I miss her because I grew up with her.
One thing I remembered about my paternal grandmother was that she was fond of lumpia and fish dishes. She also made good empanada and humba. I couldn't forget how often she was one to make me move forward whenever I felt like giving up on my studies as a high schooler. It was really something to think how she always managed to calm down my rage during my teenager days. She told me not to keep asking stuff from her and not to keep asking for it. Somehow, I still feel glad that she never gave me everything I wanted and I'm still thankful that she never did. I still think of that lesson and I still look back and cry -- yet I see her while a smile on her face at the same time!
My maternal grandmother was actually know for her balbacua or ox tail soup. She did have her own version of lumpia. I still think about it that eating balbacua made me think of the good old days when she was alive. I never expected to suddenly go away. It was so sad to see her gone so soon.
When I think about all three grandparents that have been gone for a long time -- I still think about Teresa Teng's song "Wish We Last Forever" which the lyrics in English are as follows:
How frequent does the moon appears bright?
Raising my cup I asked the heavens.
Not knowing the grand palaces in heavens.
Which year is it tonight?
For I desire to return with the winds
But I fear for this jade palace which I dwell.
For it is lonely at the top
So I begin my dance with my clear shadow
Can anything on earth compare to that!
Twirling around the vermilion pavilion
Beneath the silk gate
shining through my sleeplessness
not having regrets
But why must the moon be full when we are parted?
For man encounters sorrow and joy, meeting and parting.
Like the moon appears in clouds and clear, full or in crescent
For this had never been perfect
I wish that that we will meet forever
For we share the moon even when miles apart
The feeling of having that loving grandparent is still there. There is still the memory of those good old days when life was simpler. But everything must move on now. I just can't keep trying to go back to them. I just have to think about moving forward. I just can't forever keep my memories in the past.