SATIRICAL NEWS: Sarah Elgago Contracts Noy-COVID-19, Admitted To Patrick Star Hospital


Representative Sarah Elgago (above) was admitted to the Patrick Star Hospital. She was confirmed to be infected with the Noy-COVID-19. She was last seen taken to the hospital sighing after trying to incite a protest yesterday. The medical team from the Patrick Star Hospital who had rescued Leni Loud Robredo earlier on now had taken Elgago to the same hospital. Previously, Elgago was given a check-up. Now, she is currently under observation due to the Noy-COVID-19 infection.

The new Coronavirus strain known as Noy-COVID-19 was discovered. It was confirmed that Nobita "Noynoy" Aquino was moved to an ICU at the Makati Medical Hospital on early December 2019. However, the reasons behind it were not yet confirmed until later. It was discovered on Noynoy's recent travel history that he had traveled to Wuhan, China, for a short time. No records of Noynoy eating "exotic meat" in Wuhuan were found either. Noynoy was taken to the Makati Medical Hospital for observation. It was later confirmed by doctors that he was the first Filipino to contract COVID-19. However, the disease leaked out of the pathological laboratory from the Makati Medical Hospital. The source was reported to be blood samples of Noynoy where the COVID-19 mutated into the Noy-COVID-19.

Doctors from the Patrick Star Hospital are still baffled at the medical malady. Dr. Beverly Lorraine C. Ho of the Department of Health helped investigate the malady. It was discovered that Noy-COVID-19 would display symptoms such as fear of authority, blaming others for one's mistakes, and hardheadedness. Elgago was manifesting such symptoms along with a fever and cough. Although she tried to deny that she was sick - the symptoms of Noy-COVID-19 were more blatant than that of COVID-19. It turns out that her infection also infected other members of Kabayangan Partylist. The disease would make anyone display fear of authority and blaming others for one's mistakes. One of the most prevalent symptoms of the new disease is a hatred for Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. She is still not considered under intensive care while she's under dextrose.

Stay tuned for further developments!

Comments