Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Chinese Mother-in-Law Problems and Intermarriages
If there's anything more stereotypical to handle is the Chinese mother-in-law- sharp-tongued, bitter, cynical, double standard, insulting, overruling, etc. you name it. Really, I really thought that some mothers are only gentler when they are younger but when they are MUCH older, they become cynical and bitter always nagging, scolding, to be honest it doesn't get any better to have a Chinese mother-in-law. However there's really some bad news for these controlling Chinese mother-in-laws- filial piety DOES NOT exempt them from the rule that if anybody abuses anybody regardless of rank, it's always wrong. But the problem is in the traditional, typical Chinese society it becomes the norm that "Parents are always right." even when they are wrong. For me, I really am just thinking the need to Yin and Yang things out since I for one still believe in submissiveness and discipline but NEVER a tyranny. Sad to say, Chinese mother-in-laws are pretty much some of the worst tyrants to handle. Blah blah blah! In fact, I just thought after rereading the Joy Luck Club, I thought it's possibly time to write about Chinese men who have broken the stereotypes.
Just a real thought... I am appreciative of Chinese men who are marrying non-Chinese women to piss off their overly bearing mothers especially if they happen to be white girls. For one, I really think Western women are already expected to fight back compared to the Chinese women who in the past are wrongly trained to be overly submissive even to abusive spouses or worse the mother-in-law. But then, as much as submissiveness is a virtue for all to practice, even the most submissive servant must strike a bad master if they're placed in danger. A thought really is that with Western women, they can really stand against the offensive Chinese mother-in-law due to some cultural differences.
In my own notions here's been the entire issue that I think can pretty be with Eastern/Western marriages and relationships to the in-laws:
1.) Not living with the mother-in-law is pretty much better. Fine. Really fine. So the husband and wife are living on their own. But of course the pride of the Chinese mother-in-law is SO HIGH really she would do anything to ruin her son's marriage life with his non-Chinese wife especially if she's American. But a thought on that, it's definitely never appropriate to call the Chinese mother-in-law as "ma'am" if they just are always being pricky, cruel, petty, always getting angry. So yeah, don't even let the mother-in-law live in the same house. That way, it can be easier to be friends with her in the future. But as said, even the most submissive persons must learn to fight back and two, submissiveness is a virtue that is taught by example, not by words. And should the Chinese mother-in-law try to visit and sleep at the home of her son, it might work to let her sleep in the closet so she'll never want to return to pester the happy family or two, call the cops should she be a harassment. Ho hum.
2.) Just another thought- the most offensive mother-in-laws are usually Chinese. Sad but true. I had my thought that watching the Joy Luck Club. The American mother-in-law seems more tame than the Chinese mother-in-law. In fact, they're probably more practical as to never allow their daughter-in-laws to live under the same roof as they do as a method to prevent conflict. However the problem in a traditional Chinese household is the extended family and the hypocrisy they play- they are kind to their grandchildren but can be very overbearing to their daughter-in-laws.
3.) The plain and simple- let the children learn to swallow more Hershey's than other people's misery, to eat more delicious gourmet than bitterness than to force them to swallow other people's misery and to eat from their own bitterness. That way people submit to each other lovingly and not out of fear. However it's important not to give in to gimmes and not to make them take responsibility. It's also very important to teach submissiveness to both genders without being stupid.