Recalling My Painful Teenage Courtship.. But Not My Ex-Girlfriend!

If there was some girl I really got so crazy about (as a teenager) was not my ex-girlfriend but some girl I thought was so hot when she was not.  I could start to write about it to maybe, at least, let go of some steam because my ex-girlfriend reminded me I am free to find another.  In my case, I even wonder if I truly loved my painful teenage courtship or not.  But here goes... which I would admit she was two years my junior and I really was enamored with her.  I thought she was really pretty (then again, it's relative) but it was a result of underexposure.  Right now, I can't even bear to look at her or to even entertain her.

Everything that happened wasn't so easy.  What I can recall was that she was known for her brains.  Boys wanted her because there weren't much choices.  I painfully wanted her for selfish reasons.  I fell in love with her at... first slap.  I considered her a challenge to get because she was one of the top students in school.  Perhaps I was attracted to her intelligence, like I was to my so-called first crush.  Again, I believe I just wanted her for selfish reasons because she would certainly be high approval material.  Her mom was a close friend of my late dad, I wanted her for my wife and I was practically only a teenager facing immaturity issues.

The immaturity issues were pretty serious.  I always talked about her, I talked like she was the prettiest girl I met (at least in my eyes) and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.  I said I'd never fall for another.  Because of her being a top student, I always deteriorated myself and cried over her.  I was doing poorly back then and I always had issues with my teenage lovelife.  Not long after, I wanted to get revenge on her one way or another.  I was told that I needed to wait because somebody better may come along the way.  Maybe it was just not time.

It didn't take long that when I heard my real first crush had grown so gorgeous, I thought, "Revenge would certainly be sweet."  At the same time, I was already starting to get some success with my ex-girlfriend who probably just dated me out of sympathy or not.  I started to be so desperate over her that my hatred for a classmate intensified.  I was willing to kill her other suitor (who forgot about her and is now married to somebody else) just to have her.  I soon got into selfish interest with her, I wanted her for selfish reasons.  I probably only cried not out of concern but because... I wanted her for selfish reasons.

Not long after, I realized my mom had shunned her as a possible daughter-in-law.  But by then, I had been chasing after other girls and I had properly ended my relationship with my ex-girlfriend.  Although my ex-girlfriend and me remained friends, she reminded me how other girls may get hurt because of my selfishness.  All I can say was that courtship was just a result of immaturity.