So I discovered I was lying to myself about my so-called "first crush" who I thought I was downright in love with. Now I really had to think about my first crush and hobbies we were involved as kids. One she was an Anime fan but never an otaku, she was pretty much a bookworm like I am, I also had my thoughts she was sort of my ideal woman- beauty, brains and character though girls like Bea Saw who are geeky, average beauty, overly smart (and my first crush is not all that smart) and slim build are more of my type. As time passed, I thought I forgot about her nor did I have any ill feelings compared to my so-called first crush.
As far as I remember she is the studious type. Time came when I thought I forgot about her pursuing other conquests (and that Bea Saw lookalike was my favorite target) and later dated my ex-girlfriend who looks like Mika Katsumura for a short time which had to end because I was only getting even with my so-called first crush. Just my thought- I started to long for her but only because I heard how attractive she had become which is stupid. I just thought I wanted to date her to spite one of the girls I chased in my teenager years to "get even" or two, to get even with my so-called "first crush" who I wasn't really or truly having feelings for. We did have some disagreements which could have nearly turned into a love/hate relationship at the same time.