It Was Never a Love Story!!!!

I remembered the time I used to consider my so-called love story was NEVER a love story and it took me some time to figure that out.  And I would admit that there was something I always considered to be the biggest B.S. that I ever said was no matter what, I will fulfill that vow that I will marry her and love her forever.

So I would admit the number of times I replayed Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 23 in F Minor, out of some stupid "broken heart" and how could it even happen?  I was so young!  And well I did remember the time I started writing to her love letters, thought I was truly faithful and well, a lot of rude revelations just came in and kept kicking in!

For that so-called first love, I was thinking that there was a conflict of interest.  I thought of the fact that the more I look back at the first chapter of the story,  I could never forget how my former best friend lied about him getting her and all his lies, it really made me to believe you have to lie to survive in a world gone mad.  

The moment I got far away from her, teenage years kicked in and I began to seek ways to forget her.  And it was that time I got entangled some girls in my life, started going after girls to "fill that void" only to realize that, I was already in conflict with myself.

Teenage years did start to come in... but not really.  I had a two-year animosity with a really hot girl who had the habit of irritating me to get my attention.  High school years came in and she started to flirt with me all the more, she entered into my "honor killing list".  And it wasn't really helping with how she started to oppose every girl I liked, as if they all liked me in return.  The worse case scenario was when I was falling for some geeky girl of decent character.  What was her response?  Well she was like Arisa Yamauchi... and started to oppose that girl.  

Perhaps the biggest plot mover for this story is my ex-girlfriend.  At first I did try to get her, flirt with her to no avail (she did notice that I was also after her best friend) but at first to no avail.  So I did something selfless for once and so, I did bond with her.  It didn't take long me and her started to get close.  She was taming me, I began to take things seriously... for now.  But at the same time, I started to think of the "fight" I had with my former rival for her (but then, me and that guy also fought for some cute girl who resembled Sayuri Uchida)... but at the same time, I had problems with courting the "campus queen" who my mom later rejected at first sight.

Now what was going on?  I just thought with me and my ex-girlfriend, she was upset to why I even used her in the first place.  It was a relationship based on pure convenience (for me) and I wanted to brag about her towards my "so-called first love" I got a girlfriend who was more attractive than she was.  Bad move, really bad move as it soured out.  In the end, I made the first move to end the pointless relationship.  Before that,s he said, "If you really love her, you must really tell her what you feel before it's too late..."  So I did, bidding her farewell.

Just then, my teenage fling returned and tried to flirt with me again before she moved on with other men.  This time, I tried to accept her amorous advances but I backed out before it turned into poison.  I did remember taking her out for once.  But with me and her, I decided to back out.  Later, I found her playing around with other men after our "affair" ended.

But my reunion with my so-called first love started to become the opposite of Ryu and Rie.  I couldn't believe how shallow I had become.  I was horrified at her appearance... and another, my memories started playing across memory lane.  Despite the fact I told myself, "No matter how ugly you say she is, I will always love her..." and oh boy, did I eat those words!  I just walked off after that... and no matter how much I had tried to keep those words, I only ate them and spat them out all the more.  

There's always the statement, "Actions speak louder than words." and "Less talk... less mistakes." Which was why I really chewed myself on that situation.  Another reason that it wasn't a love story was because I found myself in a greedy agenda.  I initially wanted to marry into her family so I can be a partaker of her family's fortune.  But later, their fortunes started to drop... and I found myself liking other girls than her.  In short, I was never in love with her.

Then I remembered my real first crush... some girl I wanted to kill out of honor killing because... she wasn't Chinese.  And she's grown up looking somewhat like Mako.  During that scene when Takeru shoved Mako aside, the first time I saw it made me realize I harmed someone.  But unlike Takeru whod didn't want Mako or anyone to get harmed because of him, mine was different.  I was determined to end the life of my real first crush to "redeem myself" which was stupid.  

Memory lane was painful when I realized that I really, really had "unfinished business" to avenge my Chinese blood pride when I fell for a half-Spanish woman.  Yet at the same time, I only felt infatuated by her and her so-called ability (which she claims she doesn't possess) to ease my "devil gene".  Then I began into a journey searching for her.  I wanted to make things right and started my journey to find my first crush.

At one point, I mistook some half-Swiss, half-Chinese girl who kind of resembles Pamela Anderson (but she was brown-haired as Pam is really brown haired) who was two years my junior but sometimes, I tend to think she looks like Amy Jo Johnson or Rin Takanashi (vision problems).  And that beauty was she really stunning!  And I started to feel hesitant towards her at first, I viewed her as what would be another result of an "abomination" but I soon started to realize my past was yearning for someone else, not my so-called first crush.  I met this half-Swiss, half-Chinese girl after I had broken up with my ex but managed to remain friends.  And I started to fall for that half-Swiss girl in the process.

At the same time, me and my ex nearly rekindled our feelings for each other for awhile but we both remained as friends.  She's now engaged though and I have moved on from her.

And I would admit I soon gained more feelings for a girl who resembles Haruka Suenaga.  She was cold and a perfectionist.  The fact that she's smart, sexy, pretty... and you know a real life Mary Sue who I met in between.  And I did piss her off with my being a user and she noticed I lusted after her beauty.  Though I started to play the ignore game with her realizing that she's pretty high strung and so am I... which creates personality conflict.  But then...  In find myself in a rock and hard place...

And now it's just... the past and the present.  For my first crush she's got lots of suitors but remains single due to a lack of good men.  On the other hand, I find myself wanting my friend who looks like Pamela Anderson.