Reevaluating myself... why did I really like her back in High School? The real issue was that I was planning to use her as one of my "trophies" and... to well get even with my so-called first crush. I wanted a Chinese wife to make sure that my standing will improve. Again, it was also part of a monetary scam that if I marry into her family, I can slowly dig out their wealth. What really happened was that it was a relationship of convenience but fortunately, it didn't become a marriage of convenience. I can't imagine being married for the sake of convenience. At the same time, I wanted her because I wanted revenge on the "campus queen" at the same time.
In a way the relationship was similar to Gai and Kaori in Jetman but it had some negative sides to it. In a way, she would have started to bring out the "better me" and the start of end of it was for the better. It was a balancing force. At first, it was a frustrating courtship because she didn't notice me back when we were teenagers, and it was love at FIRST SLAP and she's the first girl I've had that kind of experience. I begged her to notice me and I wanted to do everything to notice me, which I even purposely flirted with her best friend hoping to incite jealousy. Later, I showed signs that I did care about her so it became us. Only later, I started to try and get along with her parents but I started complaining her dad was a douche (to her alone anyway). Times came when I would be willing to give every last drop of blood for her. But then, I had selfish motives with her. In the end, I just soon said, "We are too different!" Later, she also learned why I wanted her and... it was an ugly picture.
Needless to say, she still helped me cope up with the "loss" I had. We broke up but on friendly terms because... I felt sorry for her after she discovered the truth plus I can't adjust to her family either. I didn't want to use her anymore and I felt more human after that. So it's best she's moved on but I have not, not from her but from other girls. On the other hand, I thought about what I was able to avoid. If her dad was involved with scam projects, having a dad-in-law who is into sleazy deals won't be good for the children. It's something to think if the children's maternal grandpa lets them sing along in the KTV Bar. It won't do any good considering my family is dysfunctional too. She deserves a man who loves her after she helped me (along with other people) move forward from my so-called first crush. She agreed to let go of our relationship and told me to go after the one I really love after I learned the truth. And love isn't always romantic either. And yes, I'm still alive and I didn't die by a mugger neither did she marry my best friend but some stranger.
So I hope the best for her. All I can say is now I love her but not in the romantic sense. It's love as a friend. And the fact she's hoping I find the girl to fill my gap, is proof that love isn't always romantic.
Comments
Post a Comment