So it was some time after I broke up with my ex-girlfriend and things were settled down. Me and her had mutually agreed not to rekindle anything, we have to move on. It didn't mean she wasn't around to provide advice or to at least, help me. She loved me as a friend, and we will always be friends no matter what. And she right now might be wishing with her husband that I find the right girl for me. Even when she rejected me before we dated, she always said, "There's always other girls Sean, why me?"
What happened was simple. I met my ex-girlfriend again, we were friends again. She moved on from the wound her heart was in. We almost rekindled the same passion but... we just moved on because we had to move on. In fact, she was even more than ready to encourage me. She didn't taunt me when I saw my so-called first crush again, she merely said, "Well that was only puppy love. Because if you loved her, you would have embraced her no matter how ugly you see her physically." She wanted me to be free of delusions so I can truly find another woman for a real romantic relationship.
It didn't take long that I was already looking for my real first crush but I never told my ex-girlfriend about it. I just wanted to move on and gave up on the search. Then some pretty half-Swiss girl appeared and I was at first shy of her. My ex-girlfriend started to tell me that it might be my time to finally start anew. When I saw her at a distance, I thought whether or not she was my real first crush. But it turned out not to be her and having matured from my former relationship, I didn't want to spitefully use her for my selfish reasons. Instead, I started to hesitate because I was afraid I would hurt her like I did to my ex-girlfriend. But for my ex-girlfriend, the new girl was a sign that I could probably move on.
During that time, I wanted to know the girl better. I soon knew her for who she was. I didn't ask any questions. I just ask myself again the question, "Am I still deluded or am I really liking for for who she is?" I hope the answer will be clear.