Satirical News: Neri Cuckonares Proposes "Respect for Filipino Time Bill"

Bobo Muna Representative Neri Cuckonarnes now passes the "Respect For Filipino Time" bill after Akbobo member, former chairperson of the Commission on Human Rights, Etta Rosales called scolding people for being late as a violation of human rights.  He was so ready to sympathize he wrote the new bill called "Respect For Filipino Time Bill."  The bill was passed after Rep. Cuckonares showed up one hour late for his work as a congressman.

"We are Filipinos and we are known for Filipino time.  I am so sorry to hear of that incident that our fellow Filipino was oppressed by a foreigner.  That is why we are against opening up the economy.  If it wasn't for 60/40, our country would have been taken over by foreigners.  The incident shows how evil foreigners can be when it comes to respecting us.  He doesn't know how to have fun, it's more fun in the Philippines.  As you see, when somebody scolds you for being late for an hour, they are violating your human rights.  Filipino time is always about being one hour late.  The world must learn to respect that.  It must be understood and tolerated for better peace and harmony." said Rep. Cuckonares yesterday said in a forum.

The "Respect For Filipino Time Bill" contained the following provisions:

  • All people must respect Filipino time.  You must give everyone an allowance of one hour to show up or face consequences.
  • To scold your employee for tardiness will be considered a violation of human rights.  Such an offense will be fined with PHP 100,000.00 per scolding.
  • It also mentioned that a fine of PHP 500,00.00 will be done for any employer who fires their employees for habitual tardiness plus they must serve a fine of twenty years in prison, non-negotiable.
  • Foreign investors who dismiss tardy employees whether it was done in private or in public, will be faced with deportation and persona non-grata.

Former Chairperson of the Commission of Human Rights, Etta Rosales also appeared in an interview.  She said, "That poor kid was scolded by his foreigner boss.  I would want that foreigner arrested, fined and deported.  Poor Filipinos have to face this oppression.  Also, if the other countries will not tolerate Filipino time, OFWs might fight for their rights.  We are ready to beat China with bolos and spears!"

The "Respect For Filipino Time Bill" is still examined.  Toady Casino called it that if the bill is made into a law, it would be a great victory for Pinoy Pride.