Satirical News: China Vows To Drop Spratlys Claims In Exchange That President Nobita And DOTC Secretary Pabaya Get Run Over By Chinese New Year!

In the midst of the conflict of China with the Philippines, Vietnam, Japan and Taiwan they have decided to give in one peaceful resolution. Many people who have grown paranoid with China due to the government's inaction in the Pacific Ocean, were partly relieved to hear the possibility of a "peaceful settlement" which will not require firearms. On the other hand, it will still require bloodshed where at least two people will be sacrificed to save the whole Philippines from total annihilation.

President Xi Jinping's message was translated from English to Mandarin saying, "To all Filipinos, I have decided that there is one condition that I would drop China' claim over Spratlys and the rest of Asia. But the one condition that we demand is that President Nobita Aquino and DOTC Secretary Joseph Pabaya will be run over a train on the even before February 8, 2016 or the Lunar New Year. The solar new year or January 1, 2016 has already come but there is still Chinese New Year to think about. If both President Nobita and DOTC Secretary Pabaya will be run over by a train, China will withdraw its military presence in the South China Sea. Plus, if you want us to be friends again we request that both Stinky Soliman and Etta Rosales be handed over to our government. Stinky has been verified to have been protecting Chinese crooks in the Philippines and Etta Rosales has been masterminding trouble using Pinoy tourists in China."

The reaction had created a series of mixed reactions. One who stood out was former Commission on Human Rights chairperson Etta Rosales to react yet again. She said, "How can China ask for such an unreasonable demand that they will withdraw their troops at the condition both President Nobita and DOTC Secretary Pabaya will be run over by a train? Don't forget that they had unjustly killed our three drug mules who didn't know that they were transporting drugs. I'm afraid but China jailing those human rights activists is a violation of the right to impunity. Yes I masterminded those Pinoy tourists who were members of Commission of Human Rights. I'm doing it to save our countrymen who are in death row in that inhuman, barbaric country."

President Nobita on the other hand decided to release a statement to President Xi. These words were translated into Chinese, "Your excellency President Xi Jinping. You don't want me and Pabaya to be run over by the train. If you want to know who's responsible for the conflict, it's not me. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and Bongbong Marcos is who you want. It was Gloria who masterminded the Rolando Mendoza incident and lately, it was uncovered Bongbong also masterminded half of it. It should be them not me and Pabaya who should be run over by a train."

Stay tuned for further developments!