There's that moment in my life that I thought had an impact with me was my dangerous teenage fling. I can remember her especially when she somewhat resembles Sayaka Akimoto (hence the pictures here used as her placeholder) to a certain extent. We were only teenagers when the whole incident happened yet I can't deny that I compared it to Batman and Poison Ivy. Why I compare her to Poison Ivy is because she's really attractive and seductive. She has her attractive assets and she knew how to use them. But it wasn't always so.
I first to her as an antagonist I must beat while I saw her as someone to win. While I looked to her as my enemy, she had the habit of teasing me habitually. I wanted to hurt her more than once yet I found myself mysteriously drawn to her. She was somewhat fearless and I felt like I was drawn to her the more I wanted to hurt her. It's like how Batman and Poison Ivy would appear in some incarnations. The more time passed, the more I started to be drawn to her but I simply didn't think about marrying her at all. But she did eventually talk about the possibility of marrying her which I took both as a possibility or something I didn't want to do at the same time. The feeling of self-contradiction was completely there when I thought about her. I both wanted her and hated her. It was a love/hate relationship that soon had a third element to it namely lust.
My lust for her was deeper than I imagined it to be though I didn't aggressively pursue her as much as she did. I've had lusted after other women but for her, I felt it probably burned the hottest. I couldn't help but imagine the whole scenario where I sought deliverance from it. Yet I was drawn to her anyway during our teenage years. When she asked me the most daring questions, I dared not to answer but at times, I did. I wanted to take it nice and easy because we were very young. It became a series of contradictory feelings in several ways. I wanted her and I didn't want her. I wanted to say yes to a lot of things she asked me about and I didn't want to say yes to a lot of things she asked me about. It was a road of confusion that neither me and possibly her couldn't understand what we were going through that time. It was nothing but confusion with what really happened between me and her.
I had a series of painful courtships with other women. I didn't think of my teenage fling as my ideal bride as much as the others. My ex-girlfriend who looks like Mika Katsumura wasn't an easy courtship and we had a short relationship. At the same time, some girl of pure spirit and intention entered and even if she wasn't the most attractive person around, she was definitely who I thought would be the ideal bride I'd want. I also had my eyes on somebody who I found attractive at first but I lost interest in her. During those courtships, I only considered my teenage fling as a secondary option than my ultimate choice. As gorgeous as she was, she wasn't of any value unlike that smart girl who I found attractive at first but lost interest in so fast. Yet for my teenage fling she somewhat got stuck into my head more than once in the midst of all those storms. I was still lusting after her in the midst of confusion.
Then comes multiple dream dimensions of me actually marrying her are birthed within a warped mind...
I can't deny that years ago, I've had many strange visions of what could be "possible futures". I've probably been reading too many science fiction comics then! I thought about how a lot of them were outrageous and how this non-existent "alternate dimension" now serves as a fractured dimension to destroy like that of Tales of Xillia 2... at least in my head anyway. Some of them tend to present one bizarre "reality" after the other... realities that I'm glad never existed or I wish existed as our reality.
A lot of them start with the marriage. Well she does tie her idiotic brother down because in the real dimension, I've had a hostile relationship with that guy which makes me want to give up marrying her. I always find myself marrying her and actually having a big party which we both worked for it. Other versions of those dreams, I wake up surprised that it's my wedding day and she gets mad then she says she wants to marry me already. Some of the events involve her brokenhearted unrequited suitor who I defended her from in some occasions. One of them even object to our wedding and says she's his but I throw him out anyway and the wedding proceeds as planned. Some of them don't involve him until later. In real life, that unrequited suitor is already a family man. In other versions, I find myself a hero rescuing her from that unrequited suitor who's about to force her to marry him in a fantasy setting.
There are also several bizarre reasons why I married her in these dream dimensions. It's like a promise to my ex-girlfriend to move on from my so-called first love. Another is a marriage of convenience or she seduced me into marriage. Sometimes, I see myself as the villain triumphing over her at long last and she has no choice but to be my bride or I'm the unwilling groom and she's the happy bride. Some of them even have her possess Poison Ivy's power to manipulate men so I agree to marry her. In some of them, I'm the unwilling groom and I'm nervous on that day because I don't want to marry her. I'm sweating and the bridal march plays and I'm seeing a lot of people. I said I do in order to get things over and done with. Yet I also felt that in some of these dream dimensions, I actually loved her and the outcome of the marriage varies like in the different dimensions of the fictional multiverse or Kamen Rider Decade. Regardless, it felt like the whole nine Alternate Reality worlds or more in Kamen Rider Decade or the Fractured Dimensions in the Tales of Xillia 2 could fall apart where I exist in every one of them married to her in every one of them!
The outcome of the marriage varies in many ways. One of the obstacles of the marriage happens to be that unrequited lover who tries to "rescue" her from me but I come to defend her. Many of them happen to have me actually defend her for some reason. There are also several versions of what our family life is like. One version has us having a daughter inheriting her beautiful DNA. One version has us having a son and no daughter to inherit her good looks which I thought was a waste. Another version has us having fraternal twins both a boy and a girl. In the version where she's pregnant with fraternal twins, her unrequited lover finds her condition "repulsive" which led me to beat him up to defend her. Then there comes the family life with many versions that came along depending on my state of mind when I'm asleep.
Other versions of those multiple dream dimensions also involve another obstacle to our marriage namely my so-called first love. We're having a family and most of them, we're having a daughter. Then I start to discover my so-called first love is still out there and single. I want to return to the past and get her back never mind I'm a family man. Then I start dating her while keeping the truth I'm married a secret. My so-called first love eventually finds out that I'm a married man with a son, daughter or both. She tells me I should go back to my wife. Some versions, I refuse to reconcile with my wife leaving me with nothing in the end. The other is the affair never happened because I was too horrified by the appearance of my so-called first crush. The one that rarely happened within the multiple dream dimensions is that I had an affair and yet we reconcile at the end of it.