Satirical News: Resigned PNP Alan Impurisima Vows to Perform the Penitensya on Good Friday As an Act of Apology!

Alan Impurisima Vows to Perform the Penitensya

After the guilt ridden investigation of former PNP Chief, Alan Impurisima, he has vowed that he will perform the Penitensya on Good Friday for the mishaps he made.  After he was supposedly banned from restaurants, Impurisima was supposedly guilt ridden and vowed to crucify himself on Good Friday of this year to follow the example of President Nobita which happened Good Friday last year.

"After the blunder of the SAF, to show that I sympathize with the SAF Widows, I General Alan Impurisima vow before my country's leader, President Nobita to crucify myself this Good Friday.  It would be a good example of service and sacrifice to the country that after the SAF Incident, I will have myself crucified to atone for my sins." said Impurisima.

A group of Nobita supporters had rallied and call Impurisima's example as an example towards "Daang Matuwid".  Nobita's followers began to cheer on believing that Impurisima is truly sorry for what he did.

Meanwhile, Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago stated, "My goodness!  He was always so stubborn during the hearing, insisting that he did not give orders but only advice during the Mamasapano Incident.  Oh please, this is an intergalactic state of epal when somebody in position is willingly crucified."

More details will follow on Good Friday whether not Impurisima will perform the penitensya.