Satirical News: Narco Alcos Arrested At EDSA Avenue

The long elusive drug dealer Narco Alcos has been arrested for the third time. He was known to have staged two magical escapes in both Dasmarinas, Cavite and Camarines Sur. Now he was arrested for having organized today's EDSA gathering of the Dilawans. Now, it was confirmed that Alcos himself was actually staying at the Quezon City condominium -- the same place where Vice President Leni Loud Robredo is currently staying.

Alcos was spotted at EDSA avenue where he was providing shabu to rallyists to make them more aggressive. He was arrested in a buy bust operation led by PNP General Oscar Albayalde and Justice Secretary Menardo Guevarra. The drill involved rookie policemen who pretended to be addicts and fake rallyists. The buy bust operation was a success leading to Alcos' arrests after two magically-induced jailbreaks. He was finally arrested at 5 P.M. in the afternoon after he kept trolling policemen with magic dust disappearances. He was only arrested when he ran out of magic dust.

The condominium of Alcos was later raided at 6 P.M. after his arrest. It was discovered that there were talks between Atty. Romulo Macalinlang and VP Leni Loud. What was found was supply of magic dust from India and China which allowed Alcos to pull off his stunts. The magic dust is now taken into PNP Custody together with Alcos. President Rodrigo R. Duterte says that he will leave the punishment of Alcos to both the PNP and DOJ.

During the arrest, Alcos said, "I am not a drug pusher! I am just fighting for your freedom against President Duterte!" However, he was met by hostile Duterte supporters who only chanted "Duterte!" all over again as he was taken to the police van. Placards were raised telling him to stay in jail and stay there for good. Human rights chairman Chito Gascon vows to provide Alcos with the right court lawyer. Gascon says he cannot entertain to Alcos since he will be busy working as Senator Antonio Trillanes IV's lawyer regarding said amnesty.

Stay tuned for further developments.