Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Satirical News: Harvard Graduate Marianne Chen Hessler Gets Awarded as "Most Outstanding Filipino Researcher" for Thesis on Nobitacracy in Singapore, Provokes Pinoy Pridists Everywhere!


Marianne Chen Hessler (my completely fictitious character who looks like Kimberly in MMPR) an outstanding Filipino who graduated in Harvard University and published her thesis on Nobitacracy was given an ASEAN Award at Singapore where she acknowledged herself as Filipino but not a Pinoy.  This talented young woman from the Philippines, currently 27 years old and yet to take her board exam in the Philippines to become a lawyer, however was awarded while she said she was studying her board exam, she decided to show up anyway after many toiling hours to finish her course.  She was an accounting graduate from the Ateneo de Manila University the same school that President Nobita came from.  She returned to her hometown of Cebu to where her family owns a quality native Filipino food business.

While in Singapore, other outstanding Filipinos were awarded and not just her but she stood out.  Filipino-Chinese anthropologist Sean Mercado got his award on his book called "The Downfall of Pinoytard Mentality" and another was Filipino Asian studies graduate Dhathor Cuyos who published a book called "The Yellowtard Nobitacracy".  Marianne Chen Hessler called the books of Sean Mercado and Dhathor Cuyos as the inspiration to her thesis in Harvard, which she said would have not been done here if it was not for those two books that made her do a comprehensive research on Nobitacracy from 2010 up to present though President Nobita's term is not yet over until 2016.  Her parents Richard and Nobita

However as the award was passed to her, angry members of Migraine International, Bobo Muna, Anak ng Bobo, Akbobo and League of Pinoy Students all protested that a non-Pinay should get the award of "Most Outstanding Filipino Researcher".  Members of Migraine International were angered to why the award ceremony was held in Singapore the country where their patron saint Plor Kontemplasyon was executed.  Toady Casino of Bobo Muna said, "I will make sure the anti-Chinese bill and the anti-American bill will be approved before any more abominations like this happen!"  President Nobita on the other hand was seen sucking his thumb over the nature of the thesis.

Marianne Chen Hessler only replied, "Well I am a Filipino even if my father is American and my mother is Chinese.  My mother is Chinese by blood but she is still Filipino born where I was born, the Philippines.  Filipinos think of the welfare of the country, not promote its bad values.  That's a real Filipino.  Pinoys are just Filipinos who refuse to improve the Filipino image and continue to degrade my beloved country!"  She also launched a campaign to support only good Filipino products where quality local Filipino foods from Jollibee and Chowking were served to guests to promote quality product.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Satirical News: Thesis on Nobitacracy from Harvard University Causes President Nobita to React Rather Badly!


A research work called "The Downside of Nobitacracy: A Closer Look at President Nobita's Administration" written by law student named Marianne Hessler, a Filipino law student who graduated in Harvard.  The thesis was just recently published and was sent to Philippine soil as a book which now is available in soft bind for the Filipino readers.  The book became sold like hotcakes and unfortunately President Nobita could not take it at all as it became a controversial material that revealed just how stupid he really is!

The controversial paper itself had featured a research on the following contents that the ASEAN said must be read by every Filipino:
  • Philippines before and after Nobitacracy.  It also featured how the 1987 Constitution did not help the Philippines recover from the Macoy tyranny at all.  Although it highlighted human rights violation during the Ferdinand E. Macoy Sr. administration, it shows how much of a failure things were after that and no different.  
  • Why the 60/40 is not working as much as unrestrained business practices.  It highlighted the legal limitations of 100% ownership of business like no selling of land of foreigners and that 100% ownership does not mean that countries just accept businesses indiscriminately.
  • The budget wasted by the Nobita Administration on its circus trials from Chief Injustice Corona to Janet Naporkes.
  • Why it is just stupid for President Nobita to keep claiming Gloria Abobo responsible for his current situation.
  • The violations Nobita's administration did during the botched hostage crisis of Rolando Murderza.
  • Why pleading for guilty Filipinos abroad is not only a waste of money but a severe and gross thing to do.  This includes an analysis of Plor Kontemplasyon up to the three drug mules namely Sally Violationa, Ramon Non-Credo and Elizabeth Bitayin.
  • The Pork Barrel and Nobita.  Why Nobita just did not abolish it immediately.
  • President Nobita's making mediocrity legal is not helping the Philippines.
  • How President Nobita as an economic graduate from Ateneo de Manila did not help him as a president of the Philippines.
  • The illegal distribution of wealth at the Hacienda Loserita and the Aquino family.
  • The lack of support of Michael Christian Martinez proves how balimbing the Nobitacratic administration is.
  • Why some provisions of the cybercrime law should be repealed and why the law should be revised.

Marianne Hessler upon returning to the Philippines had been scorned - after all she was half-Chinese and half-American, two races that Pinoy pridists tend to hate.  However she did not care about popularity when she wrote the controversial thesis and said, "Filipinos must be awakened no matter what.  I wrote the thesis in order to be an eye opener that President Nobita is an idiotic president.  Sure I won't get a heroine's welcome but so what?  The truth about the stupidity of President Nobita, the Hacienda Loserita and everything about him must be exposed!"

After Nobita read the thesis, he was seen reacting rather badly to why he was being scorned.  He really got so mad he decided he should push through with the implementation of the anti-cybercrime law's libel clause so nobody will make fun of him again.  Unfortunately, his decision had only caused people to distribute mockeries of him all over the Internet even further as they have read the controversial thesis!  Supporters of President Nobita also thrashed the book because of its insulting contents against Presidnet Nobita himself.

Satirical News: Toady Casino Propose New Strategy to Fight Chinese with Bangkas, Bolos and Spears!

As if Toady Casino cannot get any dumber, he has now proposed for the Pinoy army to fight with spears and bangkas against the intensified Chinese arm where Damulag is guarding the Spratlys.  Damulag and the Chinese forces are trying to ward off Pinoys from ever going near Spratlys.  Rather than intensify Filipino army equipment, he chose to downgrade it with his proposal to use indigenous warfare to fight the Chinese army led by Damulag.

Toady Casino and the Bobo Muna brought in some bangkas and spears, training young people to fight the Chinese army with mediocre training.  The Pinoy training system uses Pinoy tardy time training.  One might laugh at just how the Pinoy army that Toady Casino says will defeat China is doing with their rather slapdash training which encourages them to being late for work and exiting early for it as sign of Pinoy nationalism.  The training involved using mediocre made bolos and spears.  Their bangkas are said not to even reach the fisherman's standard because of their poor work habits.  Many of the trainees usually arrive drunk, are caught chain smoking and doing other stuff to make them "Proud to be Pinoy".

"We will certainly defeat the bully called Damulag, the one that beat me and sent me to a Chinese hospital.  We do not need American help!  This new Bobo Muna Pinoy Pride Army will defeat the bullies at Spratlys because we Pinoys are the greatest race in the world!" said Toady Casino in an interview about the whole Bobo Muna's plan to give the Philippine military its Pinoy pride.

However back at Spratlys, one can see Damulag training his troops in all forms of kung fu, ready to beat up the Pinoy Pridists.  Damulag in an interview in CNN said, "Our Chinese forces are well equipped!  If that ampaw of a president called Nobita thinks his self-crucifixion will appease us, that's where he is wrong.  But first I dare Toady Casino to attack us here at Spratlys!"