Satirical News: Liberal Party's Plan To "Light A Fire For Kris" Movement Goes Viral Over The Internet


It is already in the news that Kris Aquino herself will appear in a Hollywood movie called "Crazy Rich Asians". Now Loida Nicolas-Lewis said in a CNN interview, "If Kris Aquino can appear in a movie called Crazy Rich Asians then certainly, she can boost her popularity rating. She is the new hope of the Filipino people. By starring in this movie she can gain her attention that will certainly land her in the Senate. I suggest that all Filipinos must watch Crazy Rich Asians when it shows so they will see how worthy Kris is to become their senator and future president."

Kris had previously stated that she is now ready to take the burden of leading the Philippines to a golden age. She has stated that democracy is dying and that the legacy of the Aquino family must be fought for. She said, "Noynoy may soon become a martyr in this new era of martial law under President Duterte. Just take a look at how Leila Dilemma and Filipo D. Hippo was arrested. She's the Aung San Suu Kyi of the Philippines. Soon I may become one. Remember we the Aquinos have fought to keep the Philippines prosperous for 30 years and yet it was Duterte who is about to ruin it. Let me remind you that I am ready to carry on this new responsibility as senator for 2019 and president for 2016. I will free all political prisoners of Duterte and imprison all those who oppose us so we can maintain a healthy democracy."

Vice President Leni Loud Gerona-Robredo was there during the "Light A Fire For Kris Movement" gathering. Leni Loud finally stated, "This is a walk to make you aware of how dangerous times we are in. If Noynoy or Dilemma dies then it is the fault of President Duterte even if they die of natural causes." Along with Kris are senatorial candidates namely Agot Isidro, Korina Sanchez-Roxas, Chito Gascon, Alan Robles and Cynthia Patay. Others who attended the rally are members of Crappler, Philippine Daily Non-Inquirer, Commission on Human Rights and ABiaS-CBN.

The reports finally came with ABiaS-CBN, Non-Inquirer and Crappler calling it the biggest success in history saying that millions of Filipinos have seen the truth. A live video of Lewis thanking everyone for attending the rally was revealed. She said, "I am thankful to all the Filipinos who have awakened to how much of a psychopath Duterte is. He must keep his word. He must resign. Let Leni be the transitional president now. We must fight for democracy. Kris is more than capable of running the country. She is a highly moral woman who has fought for women's rights and gives to charity. She alone will be a much better president than Duterte. We must burn down all these establishments that oppose the Liberal Party."

Jim Parada gave a closing number called "Batang Bata Ka Pa" after the rally to address the youngsters. He said, "The youth today do not know how much the Aquinos did for the country. They must listen to us old people about the bad times of the martial law. My late mother did what she could to free the country from martial law. We will repeat the Light A Fire Movement. We will call it a Light A Fire For Kris movement. We will light the fires of democracy to make people aware of how evil Duterte is and how only Aquinos and their associates know how to run a democracy. We will do everything even burn down establishments that support Duterte to protect democracy." Senatorial candidate Patay mentioned that they may burn all Yellow Cab branches for supporting a Hitler like president. Mrs. Robles mentioned that they may burn down all schools that punish students for violating curfew guidelines in order to protect democracy.

Meanwhile, a leaked video was leaked out that when a male person in his 30s got kicked out for simply questioning the claim that millions attended. Another video showed that most of the attendees were squatters paid to dress up in yellow and that the attendants were not even a thousand but only hundreds attended the rally. Justice Secretary Vitaliano N. Aguirre Jr. and PNP Chief Bato Dela Rosa were last seen watching the video with their ears covered. Justice Secretary Aguirre and PNP Chief Dela Rosa simply stated they are prepared just in case "Light A Fire For Kris" will push through. The PNP units are now ready to protect various establishments that protect the president and schools that hold a strict anti-curfew policy on its students. These videos got leaked because of carelessness and incompetence on the part of ABiaS-CBN's crew. Now the video is out and it has gone viral on social media hitting over 1,000,000,000,000 hits in just half an hour.

"They want to light a fire for Kris? I don't care if Kris Aquino is going to Hollywood. As I said if you don't have a good attitude then you're nothing. They want to burn down Yellow Cab because it supports Duterte? What did pizza ever do to them? Would they rather eat pizza cooked by the squatters in Tondo? I wouldn't." said Justice Secretary Aguirre in an interview at Yellow Cab where he shared some pizza with news reporters. With the Justice Secretary in Yellow Cab during the interview was Senator Panfilo Lacson on the day of the event. Both ate some Yellow Cab Pizza and posed their ears closed together with the staff of Yellow Cab Pizza.

Stay tuned for further developments.

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