I would admit that one of my College infatuations that was really getting on to me was with some girl who resembles Haruka Suenaga. In my case, she was a real huge catch - she was Chinese, she was pretty, she was sexy, she was smart, every guy wants to bang her because of her popularity. I would admit with my "can't afford to be left behind mentality" and "wanting to be popular" mentality" together with being an approval addict, she was certainly my target for my wife-to-be but it was a very unhealthy infatuation with what would be a real life Mary Sue... one way or another.
So what was I truly thinking? I wanted her because I wanted the approval of folks who aren't worth it, to become popular with my peers, to spite certain girls I felt who wronged me from the "campus queen" to the "bitch"... which I would admit I've been a user for years. When I saw her, I soon thought she would be indeed the bride that would get me the recognition I so craved for... which I was thinking I never treated her as a human being but rather a trophy that I had to earn and fight for I wanted her for the wrong reasons because of all the traits that made her desirable. In short, I wanted her for the wrong reasons while I viewed myself as a cursed monster that needed a "perfect woman" to break the curse... me and my delusions!
In my mind, if I dated her, I could get so much an upgrade. I would probably soon get even with that mean bitch and the "campus queen" and also, my so-called first crush altogether in one swift blow. It didn't enter my head that those girls had their lives to live... I was spiteful and hateful because of a lie I bought so many years ago. In my case, the attraction was a very unhealthy one considering it was based on lust. I wanted the girl for the wrong reasons and it wasn't getting anywhere. Soon I became a stalker like Prince Lotor/Prince Sincline would to to Princess Allura/Princess Farla in Golion. The infatuation wasn't getting anywhere considered I was becoming a pest to her life, I wanted her for the wrong reasons and she could definitely sense why I was after her. Not that she was a telepathic woman or anything, she could feel I wanted her for creepy reasons.
Why was my purpose of getting her wrong and just wrong? I wanted to get her because she was really popular, I wanted to bloat my ego and if I can have her, I could definitely have much of a "promotion"... never mind I was trying to have cake and pie, eating both at the same time. I would admit I tend to lust after her type of beauty because she was hot but not that the "campus queen", nor my ex-girlfriend, my crush who looks like Sayuri Uchida were pretty. But she was sort of pretty and well, if I can win her, I could show everyone I'm somebody. In short, I wanted her for ego trip reasons which was just plain wrong. Then I thought of giving up on her... or not. But regardless, I found myself like Gai Yuki attempting to flirt with her to no avail. I wasn't the type to take a girl seriously but maybe for once in my life, I was really serious or not. Though I would admit the more she opposed me, the more I wanted her and the more the unhealthy obsession developed.
It didn't take long for the infatuation with that girl, to be met with likely opposition. Which of course, I wanted to confront him about it but for my own selfish reasons. In my case, the opposition wasn't anything new considering my former rival who looks like Takeru in Maskman, was in fact more of a Gai Yuki than I could be. In a sense, he was a charmer but he wasn't a pretentious guy. For him, he would want to be accepted and rejected the way he was... like Gai Yuki would in Jetman when it came to be introduced to Kaori's parents. It was just that, he found her appealing to him. But he wasn't all that aggressive. he did try to settle things with me when it came to my feelings for other girls. It was like "Dude, you can't have all the cakes and eat them at the same time. I can't forget we fought for one girl while you were chasing after some other girl!"
During the time of the opposition, I soon asked myself why did I want the Haruka Suenaga lookalike. Did I like her for who she is or was it just for some stupid ego trip? Was it because she was hot and I viewed her as a trophy rather than view her as a person. For one, that guy who felt like Gai Yuki, probably had real feelings for her. In my own self-reflection I only found my ego trip wanting the girl because she was the man's view of the ideal woman... never mind she can be very cold. For me, I wanted her then I soon saw her as a disposable... but part of me had genuine feelings for her. In my case, I was really finding myself wanting her and hating my former rival all over again because of her. But the arrival of the Sayuri Uchida lookalike somewhat put everything to a halt... for now. I soon found myself still desiring my so-called first crush, wanting my real first crush and I was caught in a middle of several feelings.
Later on, I soon started to withdraw from the infatuation but it didn't last too long either. I was still carried over by stupid feelings that numbed my brain from reality. I wanted her for wrong reasons. Then again, I found myself not willing to commit. So I realized that I was being selfish and everything... not good. I did leave the infatuation eventually because I realized I was already too much in the wrong. Which of course, I soon realized that I was not in the right direction. If me and her were incompatible then I would better not be dating her or even marrying her right?
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